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Dear Uncle, How do I relate with others my age where I am?

Uncle Dan

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Uncle Dan

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Dear Uncle Dan,

I’m new to to TCKid and I already have a question.

I’m 13 years old a TCK and CCK and in the country that we live in, most of the girls my age stay home to help their mothers. How do I relate with others?

—

Dear Jirah,

Well, I have a bit of clarification to ask first… Are you living in your “home” country now, having come back after time abroad, or are you still living away from “home”, and trying to adjust to the new?

In either case though, it’s always worth bearing in mind that everyone has some things in common, regardless of culture, religion and so on, and sometimes it’s in those things that you do. TCK or not, foreigner or not, we’re all human beings. Often people forget that, and differ between themselves on things like norms, values, and traditions, not to mention the now concern of simply fitting in.

While you might not be used to the practice of your peers staying at home to help their mothers, so long as your parents can also accept that that’s not something you’re used to I think that’s alright. I know it’s easy for me as an adult to say that it’s alright not to fit in, because it makes you special, but I do think that if people take the time to get to know you as a person, rather than a representation of things which are different and strange, then you’ll have lots to relate to.

I understand though that people, especially at your age as well as those within a fairly rigid culture, won’t come around to this way of thinking right away. It often takes time and effort to get there, and sometimes more of both than should be necessary.

And while I generally don’t like the idea of grouping up… you said that *most* girls stay at home, which means that some don’t. If you feel more comfortable with the people who don’t, then by all means let them make you feel comfortable. You’re still young, and fitting in is important at that age, but it doesn’t mean you have to fit in with the majority. As with any community, find the people who you ARE comfortable with, so at least in some ways you’ll never be entirely alone.


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May 6, 2008 | Filed Under General Forum 

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Comments

One Response to “Dear Uncle, How do I relate with others my age where I am?”

  1. 1
    mairabay
    mairabay Says:
    May 12th, 2008 at 11:22 am

    hey there

    if you are repatriating, you could also check this post (and look for older ones in this same subject):

    http://www.tckid.com/group/do-you-ever-feel-disconnected-with-your-%e2%80%9cpeers%e2%80%9d-in-your-%e2%80%9cpassport%e2%80%9d-country-after-a-tck-life-especially-as-a-teen/

    (Is this spam?)

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