ppl like to say, "if u got nothing nice to say, dunt bother saying it"
i like to say, "if u noe ppl won't understand a thing u say, dunt say it". basically tat's how i deal with all of my frds, I just dunt talk about the side they dunt reli care or want to noe about. i mean yes it reli piss me off that they just dunt care but hey... it's the way they were raised... and tat's why i have to have different groups of frds who understand different sides of me. It's not pretending, it's just easier to only show them wtever is within their ability to comprehend. However if they actually do express the interest to know more god we wud be too happy haha.

@maartje
I went through the same process as you
with time, with little baby steps, after these 2 years that I've learned about TCK, I started being more self-confident and able to stanp up for myself.

Keep working on yourself, Charm! With time you will feel ok with being different or NOT being different; you will be able to show this part of you when you want, or hide it when you want. And then, as you accept yourself and others, they will also accept you.

As I get more comfortable with my 'differentness' I feel more comfortable taking the differing point of view and expressing it. For me the challenges of being a TCK are starting to become benefits.

I guess it's small baby steps - from intentionally standing back, to intentionally standing up, to intentionally standing out. I no longer feel all the time that I need to defend my differentness or excuse it even.

As I started to become more comfortable with standing up and later standing out, some people with whom I thought I connected fell away. On the other hand, others came closer.

Simultaneously, I became more comfortable with NOT being different. Sounds like a paradigm - and it probably is. Learning to find comfort in being 'just like everyone else'. Understanding and owning that I am unique - just like everyone else.

I also realized that I used my being different as a way to keep people at arms' length, because I was terrified of really connecting. Having moved so much my survival mechanism was to keep things easy so that the separation that would invariably ensue was less hard. Either we left, or they left - the harsh realities of frequent relocations.

The biggest struggle, I think, that TCKs have is that of polarities or dualities - and bridging them, primarily within themselves. What's right here, isn't necessarily right there. What's considered 'good' here, isn't necessarily considered 'good' there. Same - different. Black - white. Right - wrong. Safe - unsafe. And the list goes on. We find, throughout our journey what works and what doesn't work, depending on what it is we're trying to do. First we find what works and doesn't work within the larger context of the culture around us, then in our immediate environment, and later, we balance what works for others within ourselves with what works for us. Owning what works for us is perhaps the hardest one.

I hope you feel more comfortable with where you are soon.

Hi Charm,
I think one of the benefits I gained from having global childhood experience was learning to observe others and at times finding the "chameleon" moments when I act just like them in a certain group. They would accept me just as I am knowing that I am supposed to be different.

In other cases, challenges come when there aren't these expectations for me to be different and I feel "unaccepted" or "don't not fit in."

I guess at times I think about the difference between "benefits" and "challenges" by the perceptions people have of me but I try not think too much. haha

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
You are just analising and re-analising the reasons why you feel like don't belong there.

If it's not getting you anywhere, you can try thinking "when did I first feel this?". And try healing that feeling. At least for me that's what really helped.

And feel free to rant and talk about it here. We're here to help :)