The other thing you could try is to talk to your mother. From what I understand Koreans are very structure-oriented, so maybe she might be able to perform the part of a mediator; someone who does not favor one side over the other but tries to bring both parts closer together.

Also, it might help to study up on Korean culture, in hopes of finding a more culturally relevant way of addressing your grievances to your father. Do you have any Korean friends you talk to?

Anyway, those are my two cents….

I totally relate on those 3 points, especially on repatriation & being a novelty: for me it was after 18, then again at the age of 23 – for school and work.

I had a class of 53 French girls (my passport country) disliking me because I was “showing off” with my life – it took me 6 months and tremendous efforts to revert that situation, and I had to negate everything I was to achieve it. I hated myself for that.
I met one of the only guys of the class a few years ago and he apologized to me for how they treated me – I was astonished to realise that that little apology helped me to come to term with that horrible year.
I know from being around French people for long enough now that the apology also came because my career took off much quicker and higher than most of my class (thanks to my TCK background which was view as a huge opportunity by my company, but also the fact I already had work experience), but anyway, it was soothing.

Now that I know I am a TCK and found out other people are going through the same experiences, I feel much better about myself and I don't feel like living a lie anymore.

But I am still fragile on the way I relate to people.

I am in Australia now and have a “new” boyfriend (after being single for 3 years in Paris, I just could not find any french guy I wanted to be close to)
He is french but has traveled a lot and we have a lot of things in common thanks to that.
But last week in a conversation he said “but anyway, besides all your traveling, your culture is the french culture” I said no and tried to explain, but he insisted again.
I was saddened and disappointed, and felt myself drifting away from him, thinking he was another of those french guys, unable to understand.
I could not fight against those feelings, as much as I tried, and did my best to hide them (too difficult to explain, and I did not want to have a “serious discussion” after only a month of being together)
I was lucky that he felt that something was wrong and managed to make me talk over the issue. He listened to my monologue for a long time (it was 2am and he was working early in the morning… poor guy) and apologised, and said he will be more careful next time, and is willing to learn more about TCK.
I still have to push myself a little bit to go over that first barrier in that relationship, but I am willing to try because I am scared that the situation will happen with other guys so I might as well tackle this issue straight away! (I am 32 by the way, so nothing to do with lack of relationship experience…)

Well sorry for drifting away from the main subject, I realise I've written much more than I intended, but I needed to get it out my system… and I did not get the chance to talk to my family since it happened (they are usually the ones I turn too as they understand my situation !! Especially my sister who is now happily dating another TCK in Japan

The most obvious challenge is the feeling of not being in control of my own destiny. Like a leaf blowing in the wind, I often feel I cannot determine my own future. It took me 10 years to commit to marriage, as I always thought, “We are fine for now, but how do I know how I will feel in a few years time?” Luckily my wonderful rock of a husband was prepared to sit out the course and wait for me to be ready! (We are about to celebrate a double 10: 10 years of marriage and 10 years together before that!) Now we are living in Borneo (because of his job) and I still find it hard to believe that I can create my own future – it so often feels beyond my control…

The second challenge is to be happy settling for the 'normality' that most people accept willingly in my home country (UK). I stuck to my first 'proper job' in London for 18 months before I resigned, as I couldn't stand the thought of 'life out there' being restricted to one 2-week holiday a year. I still find the island mentality of mainstream UK society narrow and superficial, failing to see the bigger picture of life on our planet, wrapped up in the latest gimmick or gadget and failing to grasp how lucky they are compared with millions of people around the world who have so much less…

The third challenge is probably the hardest to overcome – the hit to your self-esteem from not fitting in and not having deep, long-term friendships, and the difficulty of making strong friendships with people who do not share those TCK experiences… My brother used to say I was good at making friends but not at keeping them. I miss the known-each-other-since-childhood friendships I see in others around me. (I am, though, now managing to reconnect with some long-ago friends through internet social networks, a source of much joy, when I find those people I remember with affection remember me too, and, yes, they want to be in touch!) And its hard on your self-esteem when 'normal' people with 'normal' childhoods fail to make allowances for the fact that you never watched their TV programmes and think you are showing off when you mention somewhere you have lived – they fail to grasp that for you international travel is about life and not just exotic holidays! That's when the privilege of being a TCK comes back to bite you in the butt!

Now I am living in Borneo and trying to navigate the TCK issue for the sake of my own kids, hoping to give them some 'out-there' exposure and positive experiences whilst protecting their sense of identity… I am planning to return 'home' in time for them to take back control, put down some roots, decide what they want to do/be, and make strong and enduring friendships.

I don't want others to have the power of/for/over my life. As Kate Winslet's character said in 'The Holiday' : You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for God's sake!

So, Normal to me is my life and others life is abnormal because it's not my normal. This helps because I am through living by the world's definition. They can't and shouldn't be allowed to define what they have not experienced ad they have not lived my life. I get to define it.

So why being TCK is challenging for me is:

1) The mono-cultural group wants to have control as they are the majority. But 'majority-rule' is abusive to minority. I am a TCK and so I am a minority. I want majority to, in interpersonal relationships at least, care enough to go beyond their 'normal'. STOP ASKING ME TO BECOME LIKE YOU and accept me for who I am and love me for who I am.

2) I don't want people from my culture to judge me for they way I have changed or adapted to my new home. Many Indians who have immigrated to USA, create a mini-India environment and still try to maintain being mono-cultural in their little enclave. I can't do that. I am just as Indian as I am American. I have Indian friends and white friends. I also have friends of other races. So excuse me for not knowing about every bollywood movie and or Garbha night. I hang with a mixed group and we do mix-group activities and that doesn't make me a BAD INDIAN!

3) To my dear dad and extended family- I don't care what others “back home” might say about my choices. I can't live by your moral and societal rules as that's not my reality. This is my home. Dad, you may not understand the rules of engagement here or accept them as good but I live here and this is my life. I would have been different if I lived back home but that's not our reality anymore. So allow me to become who I am becoming.

My past and my present has shaped me as an unique being. Not abnormal but unique, an individual, a true American as i create in this land, just like many others who came to USA over time, my home.

Because I “adapted” and fit in in every new place I moved to I don't think I ever really explored my own identity. So at age 38 I feel like I am just getting into my teenage phase of self discovery. In my youth I yearned to fit in and just observe and survive, while now that I am an adult I want to be heard and achieve what I want but I am having a very hard time expressing myself, and getting what I want…I feel so bitter and frustrated that this is the way I am, and I blame myself, but also my parents for not being more sensitive to a sensitive child's needs and maybe encouraging me to be who I was and to let it grow…I think my family might have wanted me to be a good kid, no trouble, smiling, well behaved always…

I think being a TCK makes you more of an observer…maybe more sensitive to one's surroundings and environment (physical and emotional/mental)…It's tough to be in a world where individualism is becoming the “way of the world”. Being sensitive exposes you to the beautiful and the good, but also the sad, lonely and exposes you to some of the burdens of life that others might look over. This can lead to ruminations which can lead to sadness and depression and a great sense of loneliness.

I am hoping that I come out of this with a sense of hope and faith in humanity, and that things happen for a reason. Right now, I feel bitter and looked over in life because I was always thinking of others…I am hoping that eventually the benefits will show up….

Not being accepted for who you are as a person; having to explain who you are and where you come from especially if your DNA make-up does not fit the stereo type.

Not being able to nurture friendship/relationships due to nomadic life style. Sometimes it is lonely out there and it can be hard if you do not have close friends around you. Do you even let yourself to develop close relationships when you know that you will be leaving within the next year or two?