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baggage

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Author:
hjordys

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we all have excesses of the stuff if we’re adults and haven’t been living in caves on our own since infancy (although that would probably add up to some carry-on, even if it’s just the wheelie type). girl’s baggage is always more noticeable anyway (you’ve seen those hot pink delseys on the luggage carousel). guys have baggage too, however it’s generally referred to as “an ex who had her own entire set of matching lois vuitton”. perhaps this is why god invented the vanity case, it is merely a form of female diversion towards potential mates; from the 5 cats and small paris hilton pooch. baggage is obviously something “other people” travel with.

i have come to the realization that my baggage is literally that, baggage. i have always had a suitcase nearby, under my bed or rammed into the back of my cupboard creasing all my clothes. i travel with trunks as if i am setting out on an epic voyage by steamer ship, and when i get to my destination, my trunks function as furniture. i actually picked my undergaduate university based on it’s proximity to heathrow airport. yes, my parents moved us around a lot growing up, no, i’m not claiming to be a victim of my upbringing. however, i would like to channel it into something positive, possibly even lucrative, like my brother ‘the pilot’. travel writing sounds appealing (i like reading travel writing), but i hate flying, so that’s out.

i recently discovered a new ‘tribe’. these are children who are born and/or grew up outside their parent’s/passport culture; they are perpetual foreigners. never quite so apparent as when they return to their “home country”. some would think this lifestyle is all negative; cries of trust issues, oodles of unresolved grief, whining about attachment and commitment issues, rootlessness and restlessness. this “baggage” of mine has been tripped over and had numerous toes stubbed into, in all of my relationships, whether with other nomads or not. recurrent themes are related to an apparent need to travel for travel’s sake. why uproot potential picket fences and little johnnies and move away? relationships are supposed to be about compromise. do you roll along until things get to a point of “settling down” and then leave road runner flames in a wake behind you once the velvet box has been proffered? or suck it up and join a book club and start taking yoga with the starbucks set? or are you destined to go on match.com and only check the boxes for diplomats and missionaries?

perhaps i am blocking the soggy pillows from many nights of crying after i was told i would have to say goodbye to my friends and beloved teachers (again!). how am i to explain this, or expect someone who hasn’t done this, or even someone who has and made the decision to not do it anymore? but i don’t know how can i be at peace with picket fences and bookclubs in the same town until i qualify for my senior bus pass either. you can’t help who you befriend, hate, or fall in love with, but it does present a different set of baggage related challenges.

my brother married a hometown girl, my parents were hometown people; my mother fell in love and didn’t particularly want to leave england, but then she didn’t particularly want my father to leave her behind. maybe love does outweigh most baggage. do they make rucksacks with wheels?


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December 26, 2007 | Filed Under General Forum 

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Comments

5 Responses to “baggage”

  1. 1
    Brice
    Brice Says:
    December 26th, 2007 at 7:34 pm

    Very good points and thoughts, Disa. Sometimes you do accumulate a lot of ‘baggage’ and it starts to feel a bit like this:

    That’s why I have as little as possible!

    (Is this spam?)

  2. 2
    IngridGiles
    IngridGiles Says:
    December 28th, 2007 at 12:29 pm

    Good points. (And funny picture, Brice!) I think most of my baggage is probably literal baggage, too!

    I do try to get involved in some community group (maybe not with the Starbucks set… the groups I’ve joined are as diverse as the places I’ve lived), but I always do so with a feeling that it is temporary. When things start feeling “permanent” or when people start acting like they think I actually belong somewhere, I get scared and want to move. I’m afraid of committing to places!

    I don’t know if love outweighs baggage or not. Maybe it depends partly on the level of commitment. One day when I get married, I will commit to my husband even if that means living in one place for the rest of my life. But I hope it doesn’t! (And that may be why I am single at the age of thirty!)

    In the meantime, I live quite happily with my baggage. I keep it under my bed. That seems to be the most convenient place — then I can just grab it and go!

    (Is this spam?)

  3. 3
    Unregistered
    hjordys Says:
    December 28th, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    i am facing this right now. making a decision to settle down with “someone” feels just as hard as making a decision/comittment to a place. i dont think it means “you havent met the right person yet”, i think its more that this internal restlessness is so ingrained.

    (Is this spam?)

  4. 4
    Brice
    Brice Says:
    December 28th, 2007 at 4:13 pm

    Yeah, Hjordys is right. It’s very typical, many TCKs have a difficulty making long-term commitments and bold decisions.

    (Is this spam?)

  5. 5
    Cynthia
    Cynthia Says:
    December 28th, 2007 at 7:02 pm

    For me personally, I don’t think commitment is a baggage if you don’t make it seem like one. I think the main reason why I commit is because of the fact that I feel like I “belong”. And wanting to “belong” is something I have always wanted but this doesn’t mean I have to categorize myself as someone that I’m not.

    I think deciding to commit for a TCK is a pretty big thing to do. The relationship I have with my bf started off as just a casual one, you know hook up with someone and we’re all happy and stuff. But I think it also has to do with the “right” person. I totally believe in that. He made me realize we need each other because we have similar childhoods (sorta outcasts) and we’re both quite quirky and odd (even though he refuses to admit to it LOL) - we just fit very well with each other. If the other person does not fit you, no matter how hard you try you can’t commit.

    I don’t think it’s the fear of commitment that’s keeping us from committing, I think it’s that one thing that hasn’t been found yet to make TCKs feel like they “belong” somewhere. But keep in mind that this “belonging” is not the same as what non-TCKs experience. This is the “belonging” that as TCKs we are completely confident with - and it’s not easy to find that. I’m glad I found mine though. It’s not to say people are out of luck. There is always a somebody for someone - I believe in that too (or maybe because I’m a girl LOL). There are a lot of happily married TCKs out there so it’s not impossible :)

    (Is this spam?)

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