About: Rachel73

Name:Rachel73
2008-06-27 01:36:46
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I was born in the highlands of Papua New Guinea, and spent time in the Philippines (Manila) and Singapore before returning to New Zealand where I now live with my husband Andrew and three children.

Posts by Rachel73:

Calling all missionaries (MKs) feedback please? Is this rootlessness I have dysfunction in me?

Is there anyone out there like me? I am an adult mk and have been ‘home’ in my passport country (NZ) for 23 years now (my family returned at 13). It was not my big plan to still be here in NZ- the opposite, in fact- yet here I am at 35 with amazing hubby and 3 gorgeous kids, in an idylic locatation by the sea, living in an amaziing community where we as a family minister in a church we love, for a God we love.. but that call/pining for ‘going back’ is stronger in me than ever!

I have to say at the outset that this man I married is a great fit for me, and our relationship is very strong. But we are getting stuck on one thing -he loves his roots and I have never grown any! Although we talked about heading off overseas for missions, (even as an engaged couple) I now know he doesn’t fully ‘get’ this desire I have to actually live overseas. We have been fortunate enough to have had quite a few trips across the tassy and pacific to see my wandering family, which has kept me going from year to year. But wherever we go, I think, ‘Let’s move here!’ , which totally freaks him out. He just disappears on me. After serious talks about it 2 years ago, we prayed, planned, saved and then took an extended (and expensive) family trip last year to some of the countries in asia I spent time in as a child last year. We travelled to places I hadn’t ever been back to since I was a child, and I was emotionally overwhelmed. It was amazing to smell that Philippine mall smell that I hadn’t smelt since I was 11! I fell apart in the middle of the mall, with my 6 year old looking up at me with a very worried face. But I was laughing and crying at the same time. I was home! It was amazing. I even went back to my old school and bumped into an old teacher, still there after all these years!! My family loved it, and hubby seemed to fit in so well. My plan was that the trip would be a teaser for my other half, and he’d want to be back in a second. And he was thinking that “she’s done it now, it’ll be out of her system.”

However, as all you tcks would know that the trip would just exacerbate ache I had to be back ‘home’. That nameless, evasive place, out there somewhere between the tarmac of Auckland and the airspace of Malaysia…..Back in the tropics with the familiar sticky heat and pollution, the noise, crowds, traffic and smells… (I am crying now.)

Here in NZ, my children have formed strong connections with grandparents and uncles, aunties, cousins, (something I didn’t)… they have had the same school, the same friends the same church for years, (a foreign concept to me at 10). Those are good things for children, right? A sense of belonging to a land and community, with family history…

… so my question is what is best for me to do? To ask my other half to give up a job and minstry he loves, children friends they love, disrupt their education all for what? A big unknown? Is this God’s way? Would He be in this? Or is this rootlessness I have dysfunction in me? because I have this burning desire to explore and the country I was born in and live in those I grew up in? And how will living back overseas satisfy this endless feeling of rootlessness anyway? Is this yearning for home something I will just have to live with no matter where I am? And in that case, do I just suck it up, and allow my kids the flip side of the coin that I missed out on as a kid?

What if I table it and he says no? He doesn’t see God in it? Then my choices will be clear, huh? I don’t knos if I want that kind of confrontation. I love him, but I don’t’ want to give up who I am. I have given 12 years so far of being an at home mum, supporting him in his roles, now I would like his support to explore some of what I want to do…

is that OK? I don’t know if it is OK do say or not.

I knew as an mk growing up that my upbringing was a gift and I always wanted my future kids to have that too… I wanted them to see the side of life I saw, to have an experiential knowledge of what life is like for the majority of the world and therefore an appreciation of what God has given us, and how we are to serve others because of our priviledge. Is it time to pursue it or lay it back down?

I’d appreciate any insight from those of you who have been here before, especially from misso’s, how to decipher God’s call from your own yearning, or is it the same thing?

July 15, 2008 | Filed Under General Forum | 4 Comments 

ATCP married to monocultural guy. I feel restless and misunderstood. How to negotiate through this?

I was born in PNG, lived in Philippines and Singapore then back home to my passport country (NZ) for High school. I planned to head back overseas, but met my dream (monocultural) man at university and am now very happily married with three great elementary aged kids. Now at 35 years I have all I want - except we live in NZ! I love it here, we live by the sea, it’s not hot, crowded or smelly!! But I find myself restless, hanging out to move back to Asia. And I don’t really feel understood by my other half… how do I negotiate through this? He is quite happy here, settled.

Is there anyone else out there who is like me married to someone who has a very strong sense of roots? Any books out there that would be relevant reading, of help in how to negotiate through our conflicting needs?

June 27, 2008 | Filed Under General Forum | 2 Comments