About: mmmmmm
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Name:mmmmmm
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- Local Chinese schooled, Local North American public schooled, All girl schooled, boarding schooled, private schooled, international schooled, IGCSE/British schooled, religious schooled, art schooled, AP schooled. Never homeschooled. Although I've only lived in two countries...It felt like 8 at least. LOL. One of the rarer ppl who developed reli deep relationship with all people and places cisited. Weird? yah, it's like ppl believe that if u have one boyfrd for a long time, ur serious. If you have many boyfriend, you are a player and the most insincere creature in the world. Sometimes it feels like being TCK is being accused of being players for life. I would just like to say that is NOT true. In fact, it's totally possible to be serious about my love for everyone and every place, you just need to believe in that capacity and go with it. My greatest challenge as TCK is being accused as emotionally deficient, cold hearted and selfish. In fact it's exactly because I love everyone and everything too much that it seems like I don't love anyone or anything at all. GOAL: prove to the world that love for all is in fact within human's capacity.
2008-02-11 05:13:24
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Posts by mmmmmm:
Post travel syndrome and reflection: How do I open up to people and not appear stuck up?
So I just got back from summer school in Mexico, and my heart is shattered…AGAIN.
Not that it makes that big of a difference because it’s already been shattered so many times…as a TCK.
So it was just a month, but tat was long enough for me to be pretty deeply attached to the place. After all it wasn’t just like tourists who stay by the pool and do nothing all day long. It was like actually living there and going to school.
I mean yes… all my classmates were fellow Canadians…many of which are NOT TCKs and many of which are reli quite rowdy and disrespectaful to the fact that they are NOT in another country. But I still really really miss them all (no we don’t go to the same school or live close to each other at ALL and those of us living in canada noe tat it’s absolutely impossible to go anywhere without a driver’s license) and it just makes me sad that they can probably just walk back into their old lives as if none of it ever happened. While to me…there really is no old life to walk back to because… all of my lives are old…and new at the same time. I don’t know exactly how it is like for them but I know that leaving is more traumatizing for me because I got too emotionally and mentally attached. On the way home everyone was all like “Yay I am going home!” I am like banging my head on the air plane seat screaming “NO I DUNT EVER WANT TO GO HOME!”
Anyways…I don’t know why I am ranting because really there’s nothing to do about the situation…other than move on with life…but i am depressed…hardcore depressed because I still can’t believe it’s over and that I am not going back there…and that I am in Canada…AGAIN.
and this trip taught me so much about myself… The thing that really hit me about this trip is that it’s not really cosmopolitanism and big cities that I like the most, i am fine with any place, I can’t live anywhere forever, I can’t claim any place as my favorite. This trip also made me realize how a preppy private school has turned me into such a paranoid and stuck up bitch and I am losing the basics characteristics tat a perfectly friendly and multicultural TCK should have. The way I react to new people and things is not even shy but suspicious and ridiculously pessimistic. Then I come off like a cold hard plastic even though inside I am screaming out, “omg I love you please don’t be fooled by my bitchiness and messed up attitude just don’t…just look deeper and you will see that I am just a stupid, scared, paranoid and nervous little kid, not a mean cold-hearted plastic bitch…” I mean even though the whole thing about TCK not opening up to others easily is true, I don’t want to be like this anymore! I always feel guilty when others treat me with so much enthusiasm and hospitality because I come off so cold while everyone is so nice to me. I want to so sorry to them all the time but they would just look at me all confused and like “sorry for wt? lol” sigh i feel really guilty.
Yah so i guess my question is, how can I stop acting that way? I don’t want to be the ice queen anymore! but how do I…loosen up? How do I relax? How do I stop appearing so stuck up? How do I stop being so paranoid? i really want to know.
Doesn’t it really annoy you…
when you say you are a third culture kid, and people’s immediate reaction is,
“YOU ARE NOT FROM A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY!!”
ARGHHHH IT REALLY ANNOYS ME!
I mean… Tons of us are associated with third world countries in one way or another. But it annoys me, nto just because they don’t noe what i mean, also because people tend to have the assumption that you are only well-experienced and your life has been difficult if you are from a third world country. This is why all business and diplo brats are always hated because everyone likes to assume we are privileged, travel a lot, we are probably super rich and we all have our own drivers. Therefore we should shut up, smile and be completely satisfied with our lives=D NOOOOOT.
yah… Has anyone ever felt that?
An old poem for depressed TCKs
Haha just dug this poem out. Wrote it when I was younger and more depressed…LOL this is a rather pessimistic point of view but blah, it reflects reality somewhat. P.S. I was pretty young when I wrote this, so if it sux…well actually I fixed it up a bit just now…so it doesnt suck as much as it did LOL. but anyways. (it’s called voyageuse cuz French is the only language I know with female tense for like every noun…sorry but I am a girl and go to a feminist all girl school…so I called it voyageuse…no hard feelings LOL)
Voyageuse
She loves them all,
She travels far away,
“We have no home,
She hears them call,
She is addicted,
She’s bound to drop.
Crazily Schooled TCK here.
Joined for a few weeks and at last here’s my intro.
I’ve really only lived in two countries, China and Canada, all my knowledge of other countries mostly come from friends who’s lived in other countries…or currently LIVE in those countries. Or, it comes from school systems, and I would have to say, there reli should be a book for Cross Schooled Kid.
First Identity: Just a mono-cultured kid.
Until 10 year-old: taught in pure local Chinese school. So basically, I was not a TCK right from the start. I’ve gone through all the traditional Chinese education and because I have always been crazy about literature no matter the language, I get influenced quite easily by any culture at all. Sometimes I feel more torn apart than others because of how strong my emotional connection are with both countries I lived in. It’s even weirder regarding how extreme the difference is between them. So basically, I rarely dislike any place
Second Identity: Just another immigrant
10-12: Moved to Canada, went to local public schools (switched 3 different schools) like you see in any typical North American movies. So I was an immigrant kid, still not a real TCK yet… But wow, the local schools were filled with Oriental Asians and Middle Eastern Asians (just because of where I lived).
Third Identiy: Just another boarder (often misunderstood as just another international student).
12-13: I went to a private girl school, that offered boarding…even though my parents were in town. But hey, Chinese parents love to send kids to boarding school cuz it’s like a tradition. Funny how all the kids at both my public schools and the day students at my new school thought that was ridiculous…There’s the first misunderstanding of culture. Then, the day students thought I was an International student who lived far away from home, although they were nice to me, they did not realize that I was in fact already canadianized. Because of boarding, I became very close to the real international students from Asia. It was just great cuz it made me so confused. FIrst I was completely CHinese, I became very canadian in a very short time, but immediately, I was sent to this super confusing place where I was out of place no matter who I was with. However this was also the greatest time because I got to know my best friend (a seriously real TCK who’s lived in way too many countries for me to count, she is also mixed with way too many blood to count…not to mention bilingual also). By now I was confused enough to have developed my TCKness. I also visited China after being gone for three years, which made me crazy because after seeing my friends I just couldn’t take it anymore. I missed how simple and absolutely painless the life of a mono-cultural kid was. I was too tired and hated all the troubles that came with being way too knowledgeable about the world outside. I was depressed for a long time and suffered from every type of teenage disorder there was. Especially after my best friend left again to go to Africa.
Fourth Identity: A preppy private school girl (I don’t like this one at all-_-)
so my mom made me live at home instead because she thought I was so depressed all the time…except I think most TCKs noe that parents ALWAYS make matters worse. So I was just a private school girl, who came to school everyday in a pretty car. P.S. the dayschool is dominated by Caucasians and some asians (and I am talking about all of the smartest, scientific and intense asians there are) Most awkward year ever without my best frd and not boarding anymore. It’s a wonderful way to isolate myself even further from absolutely everyone.
Fifth Identity: An international school kid (at last)
15: So my parents can’t stand Canada anymore, and are overprotective. THey made me go bak to China, but not my hometown, instead, Shanghai, well it’s not like we had a choice because that was the only place with international school. I preferred HK but I was kinda late for the application at the time. And regarding how big China is, we noe how China is so different even from different city to city. However, I absolutely loved Shanghai, and I just hated that I came to an International School so late, it felt like instant home for TCK. However…not the entire school, it was a rather Asian dominated school. When I say Asian dominated, I mean Asians who don’t have a China MAINLAND passport (that’s a lot of them including the ones who were born abroad and lived there for like one day). Basically meaning, this school is not the most international international school there is. It was more like splitted between the Chinese, with other Asians in the middle and the seriously well travelled TCKs… THat was way confusing cuz I hated to choose a side. Yet I was an idiot and picked the Asian side… because of that desperate desire to go back to mono-culture. Yah then things backfired at me hard because I acted like I had multiple personality. I was so TCK that it was a complete joke to tell people I don’t want to be one anymore. At last things fell apart so badly because I basically behaved deliriously and was like the freakiest drama queen scene maker in the world. Then I finally realized the only way to solve the problem is to accept that I am TCK and enjoy it. and it was about time to be active and independent like a real TCK should be. So because I was basicaly failing due to the incompetent teachers adn resources at my school-_- I love IGCSE (so yah this school was using British curriculum mostly) but it’s not ok when the teachers arent even smart enought to teach it properly. but I have to admit IGCSE is so much harder than canadian curriculum. Plus I couldnt stand my parents so I decided to reapply for my school, which is actually such an awesome school. Plus I wanted to study theatre so badly there was really no better place for me other than one of the schools with best art program in the Toronto (third largest city in the world for film and theatre industry). Plus this school was not an art school, it keeps you up with both. So yah that can satisfy my parents too. I decided to leave without discussing with anyone at all (not even my parents…I just kinda told them that I decided to leave, obviously I needed them to agree, but they didnt beleive the school would take me bak, so they said if I can manage to get the school want me bak in a week, because there was only 1 week left until school starts, they would let me go). I was extremely lucky to have written by far the most convincing application letter in history. I was bak in Canada with such short notice that all my frds were just too overjoyed and surprised to see me randomly in the hallway.
16-17: A TCK who is too proud to be one, however decided to become a rather lonely TCK for theatre arts. And is stressed out by Advanced Placement and SAT -_-
So I am a bit lonely sometimes, but it’s ok, because my frds at this school are seriously very UNDERSTANDING for none-tcks, just because of the number of TCKs they probably have met and the fact that we take international students. Plus private school kids are often a misunderstood bunch themselves because of the one society portrays them. So they are pretty understanding…comparing to others for sure. However there’s still loads of things they don’t understand. I guess that’s why I developed a mad passion for theatre arts because there reli was no other way for me to control my feelings in real life. I realized theatre arts is the best choice because u can be completely emotional and a “DRAMA QUEEN” without offending anyone. I am also frightened extremely by University Application…cuz I have ridiculous standard even higher than my parents-_-. Taking AP is kind of interesting because it makes me understand the American school system too, and it feels like university classes.
In conclusion…although I am TCK, I’ve also being mono-cultured, immigrant, international student, prep, and international school kid. the school systems I’ve gone through? local Chinese School, North American public schools, Private school which quadriple tasks as all-girl school, boarding school, art school and abit of American University influence, and of course the most common factor of all TCK schooling: International school.
Haven’t ever been homeschooled, but am very glad that I didn’t. I know may people chose home school to not complicate things too much by all the different school systems. but I just wanna say, different schooling system can proabably challenge u a lot more drastically than different countries. and it truly makes you love the places so much deeper. Many other TCKs tell me they find their relationship not as intimate and deep because there are so many. But I think it’s actually possible to develope that intimate relationship with every place you go to. It’s super hard but wonderful once you do develope it.
How do you become qualified as a real TCK?
It’s funny cuz I live in canada Toronto (well at the moment) , and peole here are very multicultural to begin with… However they are not all TCKs-_- Which makes it even harder for me to try to explain TCK, because from what it sounds like, everyone in Toronto is apparently TCK. Especially since there’s a lot of immigrants. But I am getting quite sick of this because nobody ever tries to recognize how much more difficult my situation really is with theirs. LOL so here’s my rant about wht are the TRUE qualities of a TCK, the ones that ONLY REAL TCKS POSSESS! i noe this is reli childish… please forgive me. haha
1. The number of cultures you have been immersed in. This one is obvious, and if you don’t qualify for this one you wouldn’t even be on this forum. This is not even necessarily saying you have to have lived in different countries (especially since in Canada you can totally move from a completely Chinese neighborhood to a completely Caucasian neighborhood like 20 minutes drive away. ) Even if it’s the culture difference between public school and really prestigious private schools. That’s all differnet cultures. So, no, not necessarily different countries.
2. Exactly how different are the culture you’ve been immersed in? The first one may be easy but this is not that easy. I know many people who have attended International Schools for their whole life without actually going anywhere…Honestly, that’s not enough! I also know people who’s lived in Japan, CHina, Hong Kong etc…yah… REALLY BIG DIFFERENCE. Of course they are different, but if you have a combination like Egypt+Germany or like Greece+Korea or like Mexico+Switzerland, you are simply more QUALIFIED than those who have experienced cultures that are way too close to each other. Not that you are not a TCK if you have not had an extreme combination of countries…but you certainly can become more TCK than you are right now. Personally I think my combination is not extreme enough so I am not resting until I’ve lived in a combination of very different countries.
3. How closely connected you have become emotionally/mentally with all the cultures you have immersed in? This is possibly the most important above all. And sadly, most people who don’t get why I am a TCK and they are not is because of this one. Nowadays, we of course have a bunch of people who have lived in many places. but the question is…how many of them are really crazy in love with all the places they’ve lived in? An example would be all the students who come to Canada to study and they are totally planning to return to wherever they came from as soon as they finish because they don’t really give a damn about Canada at all. OR those who came to Canada when they were WAY too young and completely forgot about their own country, so basically they are determined to stay with no intention to leave. How are you a TCK if you are only so interested in one place? TO be a TCK, you would either have to be too numb to care about where you are or you have to be too much in love with wherever the hell you are to care about where you are at the moment. Basically the most important quality of TCK is to always want to return to other places, but never want to leave this place you are at. Yes that’s kinda sad but that’s true but I think most people have gotten used to this feeling already. I certainly did. It’s annoying sometimes but at least it gives me good inspirations for writing a touchy silly poem. Real TCK will never think that “this is the last place I will stay at in my life”, real TCKs do not know where is that LAST place until they die. Real TCKswill keep travelling even though it hurts like hell to leave everytime. However that’s ok because as soon as real TCKs arrive at the next destination, they will be too happy to leave again.
Sigh I guess that’s my take…maybe there are some rather depressed TCKs who don’t care where they are going because they hate everywhere-_- I reli hope that’s not true. cuz the world is too awesome to hate.
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