The Fetal Diaries #__: I existed, even before the dinosaurs.
Okay, so maybe the title’s a bit exaggerated.. But whatever.
I’m aware of the fact that probably only 2 or 3 people on this site remember me now but I felt like writing today. Also, I thought of updating fetal diary readers that may still be active on tckid, or just simply reintroducing myself.
It’s funny, because when I started out here in tckid, I wasn’t even 16 yet, still an amateur writer, and only ranted about my love life (it’s embarrassing, but true). It was easier to talk about my life, because tckid was relatively very very small, hence most people knew me and read my stuff frequently. Eventually, I grew as a writer, and as a person, not just because of tckid, but because of the people I became good friends with here. I think that the only thing that never changed about me is that I still type my blogs from my phone (I’m doing that now). I develop ideas better this way.
Now, I can’t even remember the last time I wrote, or what entry number I left at. I feel guilty now, because (not to brag) I knew that people actually enjoyed my stuff, whether it be just a random blog about my life as a teenager TCK in a small Canadian town or a serious article about racism.
The truth is – well – there are a number of reasons why I stopped writing. First, school and work took its toll on me and I just turned into a full-time sloth outside of school or work. Also, I have piano, which I have to practice for, and for some time, I also contributed to a local Calgary Filipino newspaper, another thing that I eventually also neglected.
It’s frustrating, because I have nothing to write about. Not here, nor for the newspaper. Truth be told, I stopped writing for the newspaper when a former Filipino coworker, and I guess, a friend, died in a car crash; when someone suggested I wrote about it because it was “news” from this town I lived in, I was disheartened. I was stuck between my potential career as an actual journalist one day and being an emotional nutcase.
Of course, one may argue that my career won’t be over, because I’m only 17, but my father believes that I should write and get published often, even if this is just a local newspaper for Fil-Canadians, to have something to show for someday. He’s right, I suppose.
However, I still can’t bring myself to do it, so I have ignored my dad’s constant “Hey, I thought this was what you wanted: to write,” or “I’m disappointed in you for neglecting your position as a contributor”.
I don’t think my dad believes in that think writers call “the writer’s block”. But I do, and he doesn’t take it for an answer.
I just shrug it off now, despite my guilt. Yes, I like to write, but only when I get inspired. You can’t squeeze water out of a rock, and that’s what he’s trying to do. Squeeze out good articles from a teenaged writer that only writes when inspired.
Honestly, as much as I wanna write more often for the newspaper, I’m still sorta busy. I have a LIFE, and I dislike that he puts it to my face that it’s second priority.
*Sigh* if I lived somewhere more exciting, then maybe, I’ll be an article writing machine. There’s that TCK itch again.
Well, that’s it for now. I’ve given my long due update/reintroduced myself, and hope to get back on track with my writing and get my readers back or get new readers
Rant over.
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