In a cosmopolitan city where I’m living now, people of bi-cultural and multi-cultural backgrounds are everywhere. Yet somehow I often wonder why others cannot relate to the deep disconnectedness that I experience. Is it a personality thing? Is it something about the aspects of my life experience that is somewhat different from other immigrants/expats? Or is it that some of “us” are hiding like I do, blending in seamlessly in the mainstream society at least on the surface?
The other day I was grouped with a political activist in my class for a discussion. I usually cannot relate to people with a strong passion for a political cause, as, perhaps attributes to my CCK-ness, it’s hard for me to believe strongly in a particular set of political ideals as I believe there’re many ways of looking at things. But that’s perhaps another topic. Surprisingly, we clicked after a series of disagreements. We first talked about the skills of interviewing people (which was our class discussion) and she became really passionate about how the interviewer should not become too involved with the subjects, that “people should deal with the own problem”. At first I found that she sounded somewhat cold, because in the culture that I was brought up, people made you believe that you’re responsible for other people’s feelings. So I brought up this cultural aspect to her, but she became more and more frustrated about this idea, insisted on her previous point, but then, surprising to me, became somewhat apologetic and suggested that it’s perhaps simply her inability to connect with people “at that level” because she’s moved quite a few times as a kid and teenager to different countries. You just can’t care too much about others, she said, “Because it’s just too hard.”

So she’s a TCK.

Starting at that point we began to “click” and I managed to tell her things that I never told others people, about how I, too, started to become less and less connected with people, even those who I cared about, even I tried very hard. I told her how I noticed the way I had taken photos with my friends less and less over time. I guess in a way I just didn’t want to have pictures that reminded me of how I was no longer with them… anyway, instead of doing a full psychoanalysis of myself, which is narcissist and boring, I just want to say that I’m so happy that she was not afraid to express her feelings so passionately, because otherwise we would never got into the discussion and there would be no way that I found she’s a TCK.

Do you find yourself feeling a deep disconnection with others, even if you have grown mature enough to simply “suck it up” and blend in well on the surface? Is there just “something” that others just can’t relate to and that disappoints you all the time? I guess these questions come up on this forum from time to time, but there’s just something I can’t figure out: what’s the difference between TCK/CCK and other immigrants? Sometimes I feel like TCK/CCKs just recognize each other: we look at each other and suddenly we seem to understand so much about each other. (Sorry it sounds like a bad line from a chick flick)

What do you think? What is it that makes TCK/CCKs connect with each other even though we might not have been to the same place together?

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There’s already an interesting thread about how strangers perceive our cosmopolitan accents. I just wonder how you guys do you feel when old acquaintances, old friends or even your family members comment about your change of accent?

I feel self-conscious and even somewhat sad when my old friends note my change of accent. It seems like I am losing part of myself without even noticing. Also it seems to me that the friendships have changed along with my accent. For example, last time when I visited London my European friends told me how I got this “Canadian” accent, and that made me starkly aware of how our lives had grown apart.

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