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2007-12-22 04:46:10
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Posts by anonymoustck:
Another “Is there something wrong with me!?” post ;)
At times I can be really depressed, which I hate other people to see how I am feeling but at the same time I have this urge to want to tell someone, anyone know I’m not happy! plus I’m also super indecisive, and I dislike that about myself..I ask other people’s opinions sometimes but in the end I’m always confused what is the Best thing to do. I want to be outgoing and do amazing things yet I always doubt myself and am too embarrassed and nervous to step out of the box - but then again when I do have plans to do something, I don’t do that great and disappoint myself, whether through lack of effort or what I don’t know..it’s getting hard to believe in myself.
8 things the Chinese are not supposed to ask foreigners
Posters are appearing around Beijing guiding locals about how to interact with the (few) foreigners coming for the Summer Games.
The posters instruct residents on the “eight don’t asks” when chatting with foreign guests. Here’s a rough translation, courtesy of the Peaceful Rise blog:
Don’t ask about income or expenses, don’t ask about age, don’t ask about love life or marriage, don’t ask about health, don’t ask about someone’s home or address, don’t ask about personal experience, don’t ask about religious beliefs or political views, don’t ask what someone does.
So what is one to ask?
Now, for the foreigners out there, here’s the No. 1 dud question to ask a Chinese person. It’s a question that will draw a blank, non-comprehending stare:
“Hey, pal, tell me about your president. Is he doing a good job?”
*The title of this post has been moderated because it was confusing and didn’t reflect the contents accurately*Ayako
I need friends… I’m so lonely I could cry
My five year relationship ended, and I’m encountering a problem: all of my friends were his best friends. Add to the mix my one close friend is now married with a kid on the other side of the country, and my social life has dwindled down to nothing, and I’m incredibly lonely.
The problem is, I have no really good friends of my own. Everyone has a huge circle of friends with back stories, high school/college adventures, and a kind of camaraderie that I never had. I want that kind of camaraderie, and a wider circle of people in which to travel. I want to be able to call up a friend to go to the movies, or go to another friend’s house, or just talk.
I’ve tried the join a group/go to the gym/etc route but I didn’t do too well. How on earth do I do this? I feel like the longer I’m alone the harder it will be to get out of this, but I have no idea as to how to begin…
TCK and cutting…?
I’m just going to be honest with this, but it’s hard to even write about.
A couple of years ago, I had problems with self-harm, mostly with cutting my wrists.
The reason I first did it was because I had become numb to society and felt it was my fault I didn’t belong. So it was a way to feel something and it was a punishment. It was also something I could control in the lifestyle that we tcks lead. It wasn’t about attention or trends. I was depressed consistently for about one and a half years and was cutting all through that time. The scars from my first cuts still haven’t faded completely.
My family is now moving again. In this state of having no where to belong, having to lose all my friends, I’m having overwhelming urges to do it again. I have people who I don’t want to hurt by doing it, and some I don’t want to hurt by doing it again, but this sense that none of them are with me… it puts my stomach in knots frankly..
Is it the lifestyle…?
Or am I just another messed up emo kid..?
Help…?
TCK identity? Grief? Anger? Depression?
I an ATCK diagnosed with clinical depression, which for the most part is due to my TCK experience. Unfortunately tonight I had a “crisis”. Although the moment has passed and I am much grateful for having family members nearby who were able to help me through my moment of need. However, at this moment, I think I am tired of being a TCK, I am tired of having to always explain myself to others, I am tired of the constant traveling itch, I am tired of being afraid to open up to others, I am tired of feeling like I have to hide who I am to fit into other people’s “logic”, I am tired of constantly feeling out of step and not having a place where I feel that I really belong. In fact that’s all I’ve ever wanted - to feel like I belong.
I was wondering if any of the other TCKs out there have ever felt this way, and how do you get through these moments? If you have been able to settle, what has helped you do it? I am professionally working through my grief and it’s been a tough road and I know there will be other bumps ahead, but I would really appreciate you sharing your comments and experiences.
Would third culture kids make good translators?
I’m just curious if third culture kids make good translators? Have you ever considered being a translator?
US TCK raised in Spanish Caribbean
Hi, I was raised in Cuba, Puerto Rico, and Venezuela of a US father and a Hawaiian mother. I wrote a book about the experience called OVERSEAS AMERICAN: GROWING UP GRINGO IN THE TROPICS. Check it out on Amazon.com!
Ever dated someone who looks like this?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7467539.stm
Unfortunately, I have…
‘Indian food’.
I’m fine when someone genuinely doesn’t like something but I get SO annoyed when people say they don’t like Indian food because they don’t like Chicken Tikke Masala (and then pronounce it wrong in the process). I spent 4 years in India and I didn’t eat that once. Or they call it ‘foreign muck’. I live off so called ‘foreign muck’. Its the only thing my mum can cook!Ring any bells?
CCKs, TCKs, am I even either?
I am English. I was born in England and have English parents however, I lived in India for 4 years because of my dad’s job. We were supposed to move to Cambodia but instead we came to England to look after my grandparents. Now they are dead but we still havent moved anywhere new. Does this make me a CCK, TCK, or neither. My sister and family lived in France before I was born. What does that make her?
Answer those 4 TCK questions
Answer those 4 questions:
Where do you come from?
Where do you identify with?
How have your experiences affected you as a person?
Would you choose this life, for yourself or your children?
What does your future hold?
What will your life be like in 5-10 years? If you’re still in school, do you plan in having a career that allows you to travel? Do you ever plan to settle down and starting a family?
I was reading these notes someone sent me and it got me thinking about the future:
“I am Nomad, Hear Me Roar
Forty years and almost two generations later, TCK researchers have changed their tune a bit, most agreeing that children do not need to spend a “significant” part their developmental years away from their native country to reap the benefits of a third culture; many are influenced by their overseas experiences with as little as just one year abroad. According to recent research, children who spend just one year overseas are four times more likely to gain a bachelor’s degree than their domestic peers, and 40 percent of them will go on to earn a master’s degree. Sixty percent return to a life overseas, 80 percent with a second language, working in jobs that require travel and reflect their lives spent abroad. They become newspaper and magazine writers, speakers, counselors, teachers, professors, volunteers, active church members, leaders, business people—jobs that utilize both the Third Culture Kids high level of education and well-practiced people skills. And as a reflection of both their creativity and risk taking from life overseas, some of these young people grow up to join the other 1/3 of the adult TCK population as self-employed people, presidents of their own companies. Most keep their passport current and are eager to live abroad again.
As far as their personal lives go, sixty percent of TCK later marry, two out of three marry only once and not until after the age of twenty-five. They have been found to incorporate their international experiences with raising their children by instilling the values that they themselves learned as expat kids living overseas: respect for other people no matter what the race, creed or culture of the individual and embracing the differences of others. “
What strengths might TCKs possess and how can we develop them?
Dr. David Pollock and Dr. Michael Gerner explain the advantages and disadvantages for Third Culture Kids (Seoul Foreign School Web Article). As mentioned earlier we believe that the advantages
and disadvantages for Third Culture Kids/Global Nomads also apply to immigrants, the disabled, African Americans, Native Americans, and anyone who has grown up in a cross cultural context. In this section when we speak of Third Culture Kids/Global Nomads we are referring to all of these groups.
1. Linguistic ability – many TCKs/Global Nomads are conversant in another language or have heightened interest and ability to learn a new language. In addition, the deaf child can sign, and African American and Native American children may have their own dialect or language.
2. Cross-cultural skills – most TCKs/Global Nomads have a high acceptance level of differences. They see other cultures as different, but not necessarily better or worse than their own. Many have the
ability to incorporate the best characteristics of the cultures they have experienced.
3. High Flexibility – TCKs/Global Nomads are usually flexible, adapting well to new situations and new environments. They tend to escape cultural single-mindedness and tend to be less dogmatic
and authoritarian than their counterparts back home. Because of this TCKs/Global Nomads are usually good teachers and role models and able to generate new perspectives and thinking-skills in their listeners.
4. Three dimensional world view – TCKs/Global Nomads tend to view the world as a global entity inhabited by “real” people with the same basic human needs. Their realization provides them with
a much greater potential for leadership roles.
5. Maturity – In some instances, TCKs/Global Nomads are more mature than their “mono-culture” counterparts. For example, TCKs/Global Nomads routinely deal with international travel, foreign
currency, a variety of food choices, and sometimes international crisis/unrest as part of their normal lifestyle. They may actually thrive in their ability to be open and ready for change. They may also be socially mature, being able to interact comfortably with people of all ages and cultures. TCKs/Global Nomads are people who can generally rely on themselves to think clearly and act appropriately. Immigrants, the disabled, African American and Native American children often have to face real hardships and perhaps grow up faster than what might be considered ideal in a perfect world. They understand the need to work and struggle for what they want.
6. Family closeness – Because Third Culture family members have shared the experience of adjusting to a new culture, they usually describe themselves as having close family ties. Also, disabled people often need to rely on family to compensate for their particular handicap.
7. International orientation – TCKs/Global Nomads often describe themselves as liking to travel, and indicate a preference for a career with an international orientation. All these abilities, properly recognized and nurtured, can open doors to particular career choices that foster the peaceful bridging of cultures
What strengths might TCKs possess? Based on the results of a long-term study of students in an international school in Japan, Willis (1994) suggests that:
8. TCKs exhibit characteristics of a transcultural / transnational identity that is needed for the world to transcend untranationalism and ethnocentrism.
9. He concludes that these students have the skills needs to create community from diversity.
Gerner et al. (1992) also noted positive characteristics of TCKs in two large international schools.
10. In their study, TCKs reported having a high level of interest in travel and learning languages, and they rated themselves as being culturally accepting and having developed a high level of acceptance of diversity.
11. In addition, Iwama (1990) found that in comparison of Japanese TCKs with students who have lived only in Japan, the TCKs were more self-confident, had more flexible minds, were more active and curious, and had a higher bilingual ability. He noted that these students can “swim in two cultural oceans.”
12. Because of their varied experiences, the students can see life in terms greater than one cultural boundary and can explain and express themselves in more than one culture.
Global nomads are very good mediators. Whenever TCKs move into another culture, they become very good, objective observers. They’re like cultural sponges. Those skills translate into ideal requirements for combating racism and advancing social and refugee work.
—Norma McCaig, El Paso Times
…the upside of multicultural upbringings—the curiosity about the new, the tolerance for the different—far outweigh the downside of being strangers in a strange land.
—Norman McCaig,
TCKs who return overseas as teachers often have the greatest impact. They have walked the same path. They can tell their students: ‘I went back to the States, I went through college, and I’m back again. I want to tell you that I’m glad I’m a third-culture kid. And this is the way I felt and these are the things I went through and here are some of the things you need to be prepared for.’
—David Pollack, Trans World Radio
Should we move our kids?
Help! We have been agonizing over a decision whether to move our three kids (8-13) to Tokyo for a period of five years then with a subsequent move. We have never lived abroad before, yet our kids (after having lived in 3 diff. states) do already have some of the qualities of TCKs. Speaking from your experience…is it more important to have roots & stability OR the global experience? Thanks!
Is It True About Obama?
An Honest look into the false rumors surrounding Obama.
Easy way to cure jet lag: Stop eating for 12 hours
Not eating for 12-16 hours can help people quickly reset their sleep-wake cycle, according to a new study from the Harvard Medical School. This discovery can drastically improve a person’s ability to cope with jet lag or adjust to working late shifts.
Scientists have long known that our circadian rhythm is regulated by our exposure to light. Now they have found a second “food clock” that takes over when we are hungry. This mechanism probably evolved to make sure starving mammals don’t go to sleep when they should be foraging for food.
The lead researcher Clifford Saper explains:
The neat thing about this second clock is that it can override the main clock … and you should just flip into that new time zone in one day.
It usually takes people a week to fully adjust to a new time zone or sleeping schedule. To think that this new “food clock” hack can help you change your internal clock in one day is mind boggling.
How does it work?
For example, if you want to start waking up at 2:00 am in the morning, you should stop eating between 10:00 am and 2:00 pm the previous day. When you wake up at 2:00 am, eat a nice healthy meal to break your fast.
Another example: If you are travelling from Los Angeles to Tokyo, figure out when breakfast is served in Tokyo, and don’t eat for the 12-16 hours before Tokyo’s breakfast time.
Why does this work?
Like everything else in our evolutionary history, it has to do with survival:
“For a small mammal, finding food on a daily basis is a critical mission. Even a few days of starvation, a common threat in natural environments, may result in death,” the study said.
“Hence, it is adaptive for animals to have a secondary “master clock” that can allow the animal to switch its behavioral patterns rapidly after a period of starvation to maximize the opportunity of finding food sources at the same time on following days.”
The shift is a survival mechanism in small mammals that forces them to change their sleeping patterns, Fuller suggests. One starvation cycle is enough to override the traditional light-based circadian clock, the study suggests.
“This new timepiece enables animals to switch their sleep and wake schedules in order to maximize their opportunity of finding food.”
“A period of fasting with no food at all for about 16 hours is enough to engage this new clock,” says Saper.
“So, in this case, simply avoiding any food on the plane, and then eating as soon as you land, should help you to adjust — and avoid some of the uncomfortable feelings of jet lag.” CBC (quoting study published in the May 22 issue of Science.
For more information, check out Science Friday’s interview with lead researcher Clifford Saper.
Meeting of the minds that proves that family in transition are never alone
By Bu Jo Parfitt.
The outgoing president of Families in Global Transition, Matt Neigh, opened the eighth FIGT conference in Houston on March 29 with the words: “We are a universe of strangers. You can feel closer to people here than you do your own relatives.”
It was a sentence that summed up both the expat family experience and the work that FIGT does in helping to cope with it. The three objectives of the conference were to “educate, equip and empower” those who came to make “healthy choices”.
Executive Director Joyce Blake predicted that the conference would be “filled with serendipitous meetings”. And by the end the delegates I talked to felt energised by what they had learned from a raft of renowned speakers who simply shared what they knew.
It can be hard keeping things fresh in a conference’s eighth year. Around a third of the attendees were newbies, but the rest were returners. It was vital that new topics were found, which is why it was so refreshing to see Marian Weston, Expat World contributor and author of a new book, Alone At Home, speaking about short-term assignments.
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In addition, the cross-sector dialogue panel saw representatives of the five major expat “groupings” - corporate, military, mission, diplomatic and academic - discuss how their sector handled unexpected repatriation due to evacuation, divorce or death.
And when the “teen panel” were asked what two to three things they wished adults would understand about how it feels to keep moving, a hush descended on the parents in the room.
“I wish that other adults without global experience would understand that the US is not home,” said one. “Home is a concept, not a place.”
“But I want roots, I’m sick of home being just a concept,” interjected another.
“I wish that adults would not ask us which country we liked best.”
“Parents need to realise it is not all about money.”
The conference first began in Indianopolis, home to Ruth van Reken, one of the first writers to explore the phenomenon of the “third culture kid”. She and a group of friends began to dream of creating a conference where people could learn about what it means to live and work abroad.
FIGT has now moved to Texas, with a programme committee made up of experts from all over the world. The conference hosted over 200 delegates during its two and a half days.
The spouses’ panel, moderated by Jane Smith, invited a spouse from each sector to answer a series of questions and to invite further discussion from the floor. Many had taken opportunities they would not have dared accept had they never moved. Apple Gidley, who has moved internationally 28 times, became both editor of a magazine and commercial attaché during her postings.
“You have to go with the flow. You have to be positive about it,” she said.
Indeed, given the right support and information most expatriate postings are happy, and most look back on the experience fondly, choosing to forget about the bad bits. However, it is only by admitting to the difficulties that we can find ways to make the global nomadic life even better. Which is why the Outpost Archive Centre (www.outpostarchive.com), which preserves primary source material of social historical importance from expatriates, launched a project collecting records of negative expatriate experiences at the conference.
But for most the conference was a cause for celebration. Those who have helped to “educate, empower and equip” others have not kept the knowledge to themselves. Many have written about it, too, and the FIGT bookshop did a roaring trade. Marian Weston was not the only one with a new book. US-based Briton Toni Summers Hargis has seen her book, Rules, Britannia: An Insider’s Guide to Life in the United Kingdom, launched in the UK, while Jennifer Patterson launched her book on financial planning for multi-movers, When Families Cross Borders, at the conference. Another Expat world contributor, Robin Pascoe, generously gave a copy of her latest book, Raising Global Nomads, to every delegate.
And me? I launched my two latest publications, Expat Writer - Release the Book Within, and Find Your Passion. I was also the closing keynote speaker, but at FIGT it is all about sharing what you know, not blowing your own trumpet.
The next FIGT conference will take place in Houston from March 6-8, 2008. See www.figt.org for details. Source
How many times have you moved before you turned 18 years old?
So, let’s see what the record is! I moved 8 times… 4 different countries.
Ministering to Missionary Kids and Third Culture Kids
By Matthew Mcnutt. www.MatthewMcNutt.com,
The following is an article I researched and wrote a couple years ago … but was a little too specific on such a niche ministry area that the magazines I was submitting it to decided not to run it. They liked it - but it didn’t have broad enough application, which I understand, but I was also disappointed by. I’ve run it by other missionary kids who I knew from my days in South America, and the response was always the same - it described what they went through dead on. So, rather than letting it collect dust on my hard drive … here it is! Enjoy!
MINISTERING TO MISSIONARY KIDS AND THIRD CULTURE KIDS
Graduating from high school, an event eagerly anticipated by most teenagers, was one of the single most traumatic and devastating nights of my life. Looking back through my journals, I find now a repeated theme of dread and fear in the months building up to it. For me, it marked the moment in time when I would say goodbye forever to the closest friendships and relationships I had ever known, and leave for a country I no longer knew or considered as home. I was a missionary kid on the verge of retuning to my country of birth.
Third culture kids (TCK’s), whether the children of missionaries, military servicemen, or parents whose employment takes them abroad, lead lives of constant transition. By the time I had finished high school, at the ripe old age of 17, I had had close to two dozen bedrooms, lived in four states, three countries and two continents. Many of my friends at the boarding school for missionary kids which I attended had me beat on all counts, though. Transition and instability is the constant companion for a TCK; frequent moves and transfers characterize life. And even when settled into a home, the peer group is in constant flux as well; friends returning to their birth countries for furlough, being transferred to other bases and/or countries, and new arrivals every semester. It is an intense lifestyle involving heavy travel, boarding schools, culture shock on a regular basis and a constant feeling of displacement and instability. For me, it was a constant struggle of wondering where I belong. My heart was tied to Bolivia, the country I considered home - and yet, I never truly felt at home there. Towering a head above the natives with my sun bleached blonde hair and blue eyes, there was never any doubt I was different. And yet, while the United States was the country of my citizenship, and home to my relatives, it was not my home.
To a lesser degree, many young people participating in short term mission trips, whether abroad or nationally, can experience some of what I am describing. For most youth workers, interacting with students who have been briefly removed from their normal social context and immersed in another culture will be a more frequent experience. Students can struggle with feelings of displacement and culture shock, regardless of the length of the trip. My students from small town Maine struggled to process the transitions encountered during our trips to Uganda, thousands of miles away, and inner city Boston, only a few hours drive away. The distance is not the key factor, it is being removed from their primary culture.
Dr. Ruth Useem originally coined the phrase Third Culture Kid.[1] While a common misconception, it does not refer to living in a third world nation. Instead, it refers to the child’s perspective on the world. The reasoning behind the name is as follows; a child’s first culture is the one in which they are born. A child’s second culture is the one in which they grow up. However, the end result is a blending of the two cultures, resulting in the child being unsure of who they are and where they are from. Instead, their perspective on their surroundings and the world becomes a third culture - one unique to them and only truly understood by others with similar backgrounds.
For a TCK, the return to the United States at any stage is traumatic. The rapidly evolving culture and society is often times confusing and overwhelming for people living in the USA. For the returning TCK it can be far more so, to say the least. While some would assume that a global nomad, as TCK’s often call themselves, would be used to adapting to new places it is a different situation all together to return to their country of birth. When I lived in South America, people understood when I wasn’t familiar with local traditions, terminology, clothing styles, popular musicians, actors and so forth. It was obvious that I was not from there, and so people were gracious and understanding. My friends were quick to explain what was expected of me in different situations and forgiving when I unknowingly broke cultural taboos. However, in America I look and sound like everyone else. When I act differently or violate social norms, people just think I’m strange. Some of my MK (missionary kid) friends would fake Latin American accents while in the United States because they actually found it easier to fit in and be accepted by their peers if they sounded like a foreigner. Suddenly, instead of people reacting as though they are weird, they would patiently explain what was going on and why.
The most difficult transition of all, though, is the return to the country of birth after high school graduation. And for most of these young people, they do it alone. They have completed their high school studies and said goodbye to all they know in exchange for a completely new lifestyle. Many TCK’s arrive in the United States to attend colleges they have never visited, live in towns they are unfamiliar with, and feel completely and utterly alone. After all, most likely their parents are thousands of miles away with limited accessibility. In addition, the reality is that while these young people have remarkable backgrounds, most Americans are not interested in hearing about them. In fact, talking about experiences abroad usually results in the TCK being viewed as bragging. In the end, most young people learn to keep their memories from abroad to themselves; their background is just too different for people to grasp.
This period of transition is usually characterized by self imposed isolation, withdrawal, exaggeration of problems, questions, fears, and grief. Typically, it can take anywhere from a year to several years for a TCK to struggle through this transition. It certainly took several years for me to process what I was feeling and to become willing to risk close friendships again. In South America, I had attended a boarding school for missionary kids. Not only did I attend all the same classes with my friends, but I lived with them as well. My departure was overwhelming for me due to the pain of saying goodbye to people who had become closer than siblings that I would most likely never see again. My classmates were literally from all over the world, and each of us were returning to our countries of origin. After high school, I took a year off to work and save for college. I virtually closed myself off from all those around me because I knew I was leaving in a year and it wasn’t worth the effort in my mind to make friends and then lose them again. A journal entry from my first month in college reveals some of the anxiety I felt as I finally began reaching out.
I’ve been here a quarter of a semester and it seems like I only just arrived. I dread leaving - I’ve already become friends with everyone. It’s frustrating, and it scares me - even to the point of nightmares. After over half a year of not dreaming of Tambo (my high school), I’ve woken up terrified from nightmares involving my close friends from there. I don’t know why. I do know that leaving Tambo was the single most devastating event of my life and after being a bit of a recluse for over a year, for fear of saying goodbye, I’m interacting with people close to my own age once again. But I keep thinking how many will leave in just a few months.
- September 29th, 1994
My response to transition as a Third Culture Kid was not unusual. While at the time I thought there was something wrong with me, many of my peers have described to me similar reactions. However, growing up in a different culture is not a bad thing. While difficult transition is a fact of life, there are many positive things that characterize most Third Culture Kids[2]:
- TCK’s tend to be politically astute. They are interested in national and global events, and actively keep track of the news. They often times are aware of the issues and both sides of the debates.
- TCK’s usually speak more than one language. It is not unusual for them to know three or four languages, often times better than they let on.
- They are much more comfortable communicating with adults than the average American teenager.
- They tend to possess greater maturity in social skills. They are able to adapt well and notice details others might not.
- TCK’s possess global perspective. They are able to understand the perspectives other nations have and relate them one to another. As a result, they are usually less prejudiced than others their age.
- They are achievers. A far greater percentage of TCK’s go on to earn Bachelor degrees and advanced degrees than other groups.
- Because of their own experiences of feeling different, they are much more likely to reach out and accept new people, especially those with different cultural backgrounds.
For a youth worker, the arrival of a Third Culture Kid presents unique challenges. The temptation is to let his or her needs slide - after all, if they are home on furlough, they will be gone in a year anyway. And if they have returned to attend college, then they aren’t really a part of the youth program to begin with, right? However, these young people are an important responsibility for the church. For the supporting and sending congregation, there is a significant connection and relationship. The difficulties faced by these missionary kids are a direct result of the calling their parents received and the church partnered with them to achieve. Part of that partnership should involve the congregation helping to meet the needs of returning missionary kids. These needs cannot be met by their parents as a result of the realities of their calling. While at first seemingly intimidating, in many ways a TCK has the same needs as any other adolescent. They just happen to have a much more unique background.
One of the greatest ways a youth worker can help a Third Culture Kid in transition is to be a mentor. It is important to have a trusted friend to go to with embarrassing questions who they know will not ridicule them regardless of how obvious the answer may seem to be. Re-adapting to their country of birth can result in a wide variety of questions, ranging from dating issues, popular slang, and clothing styles, to questions about how to open a bank account, get a driver’s license, or apply for a job.
A vital need Third Culture Kids have of their mentors is intervention. If they are breaking social taboos, committing faux pas, appearing to be rude or abnormal, then intervene! When I lived in South America, the locals were quick to alert me when my comments or gestures were offensive or ridiculous. They understood that I did not know waving to someone in a certain way implied they were a dog, or calling someone a certain nickname was horribly offensive. Their intervention saved me much future embarrassment. And yet, the response was often times different in America. The assumption, based on the fact that I looked and sounded like most Americans, was that I was knowingly breaking taboos! When actually, my desire was to simply fit in! It is perfectly okay, and very much appreciated, to pull aside a TCK and let them know what the appropriate social expectations are. A Third Culture Kid at times will need to be taught how to interpret others’ behavior signals, and what the correct or expected response is.
For the TCK’s entering college, a mentor should help them connect with other Third Culture Kids. Many colleges have recognized that students with such a unique background need special attention which most effectively comes from other students with similar backgrounds. Christian colleges in particular have been very effective in forming such groups. Nevertheless, most arriving students have no idea such support networks exist and need guidance on how to seek them out. The most likely way to find such a group would be through the office of the dean of students.
Part of the mentor’s role is to simply listen. Most Americans merely want the answer, “it was great!” to the question “what was it like growing up in a third world country?” Anything more, and they quickly become bored. Yet these young people are going through a grieving process that necessitates talking about what they have left behind and the impact it has had on their lives. Their need to share is not some attempt to show off and brag about their globe trotting lifestyle, it is in fact a desperate need for people to understand who they are. The involved mentor gives these struggling students the opportunity to tell their story and seeks to recognize the impact it has had on their lives. Ask questions. Push for depth. Explore the feelings these memories evoke. Prove to them that you are not like others, but that you do in fact want to know who they are.
For the young person who has participated on a short term trip, adult intervention is needed as well. The distance of the trip is not important; experiencing another culture is a shocking transition regardless of whether it is a primitive tribe in the jungles of South America, or rural Appalachia. For many, the toughest aspect is not the trip itself, but the return to normalcy afterwards. Their mind is still reeling from the new experiences, memories, and perspective that result from being removed from their cultural context. They need guidance in processing what they have experienced and in integrating this new level of understanding to their everyday life. While not as intense a transition as what a Third Culture Kid goes through, it is still a challenging time none the less, a time in which a mentor’s assistance is critical. It will most likely take several months to process what they have experienced, and even so, their perspective on their nation and world will be forever impacted.
Most importantly, a Third Culture Kid needs spiritual guidance. Regardless of whether they are a military kid, a TCK because of their parent’s work, or a missionary kid, their spiritual needs have to be addressed. If they are being met during this time of transition and crisis, they will be much better equipped to endure and press on during the long months of adaptation. Do not assume a missionary kid a spiritual giant; for many, they are simply along for the ride on their parents’ calling. Give them the resources they need, and challenge them to become the young men and women God has called them to be.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
Bibliography:
Raising Resilient MKs; Joyce M. Bowers, Editor; 1998, published by the Association of Christian Schools International (ACSI), Colorado Springs, CO
Happy Easter in all languages !
To those who celebrate it, happy easter! … Here’s how to say it in cantonese
復活節快樂 (Fuhkwuhtjit faailohk)
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