The Zambian president Levy Mwanawasa SC and chairman of SADC passed away yesterday in France where he was having treatment for his stroke. So my country has no president and is in national mourning for seven days. I personally do not really know how it was like under President Mwanawasa’s rule but seems like a lot people really liked him. May his soul rest in peace.

I wonder what happens when a president passes away while still in office. But obviously there will be elections. Unfortunately, I will not be allowed to vote because it is still under debate whether or not Zambians living abroad should be allowed to vote. Some people say no because Zambians living in foreign countries do not know exactly how the situation is in the country and there is no system allowing voting abroad etc. Others say yes because its in the constitution, every citizen has the right to vote.

I just needed to let this out, one of my patriotic moments.

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I have noticed that ever-since I moved here I have not really unpacked. I’ve always had it in the back of my mind that I’m not staying here forever and I’ll be leaving.

What made me notice this is, last weekend I went to hang out with my friend a non-TCK. I was telling her about how much I love the extra pillows I have because my roommate is away for the summer. Then she suggested that I buy pillows and I told her that was definitely not happening, think about the packing… Then she asked me what is the big deal with me and moving? That statement got me thinking.

There is a very big difference between my room and my friends room. She buys a fridge, I rent a fridge. She buys a microwave oven, the oven in the main kitchen is good for me. She wants to purchase a carpet with matching curtains and that doesn’t even appear on my shopping list. She wants to really settle down and make the place her home. Apparently also a lot of my other friends are like that too. With me, its like I’ve always had one foot outside the door.

Its not just that but even my relationships with people – I don’t like being too attached/close to people. Like some of my friends in my passport country only knew that I liked painting during my farewell party because my parents displayed my Art. Anyway, I also met some really nice guys here but I didn’t want to take it any more than just friends because I know that I’m going to leave.

In January I realised I have two years before I graduate and I was sad because this place is now a part of me. Goodbyes hurt me too much, so much it’s keeping me from really living. How do you deal with this?

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If there is anything that has been bothering me lately, its the issue of settling. Where am I going to work, where am I going to live?

I’m a foreign student studying Pubic Health and almost everyone I meet wants to know what I will do next. Most of my foreign friends are content with retuning back to their home countries and working there. But I guess I’m afraid of that because of how hard it was for me the last time I had to repatriate. But the fact is I don’t want to stay here forever either.

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I’m Anayawa. I wish I found this site a few years ago like when I was a teenager with so many issues but by then I didn’t know what a TCK was. But now is just fine because I still have issues at 24yrs.

Well, about me. I was born in Zambia and when I was 3 almost 4 my family moved to Canada where my dad did his studies for 7 years. Canada is great. I grew up thinking the world is a peaceful place full of friendly people, I never saw race/tribe etc.

When my father finished his studies we moved back to Zambia and I was excited, but…. Our national language is English but we have 72 tribes which can be reduced to 7 major tribes and each has its own language and customs. My parents belong to different major tribes and I was able to speak both fluently. Unfortunately I forgot them when in English speaking Canada. Apart from the accent, most people think I’m of mixed race because of the way I look. Through my teenage years I was really depressed. I always felt like a tourist in my own country.

I guess I’ve always been trying so hard to act like everyone else but I couldn’t and I can’t.

I went to University of Zambia for sometime then I left to study in Czech Republic been here for 2 yrs so far. Christmas is the most depressing holiday for me because I’m away from my family the only people who I know I always fit in with. Last Christmas I celebrated with my country mates. Big mistake because I was acting white again or I was acting out of my tribe (it hurts me). I like hanging out with my other foreign friends because with them I know I’m not supposed to fit in, I can just act me. Its only a problem when they picture me as the image of the ideal Zambian/African. Once they meet my other mates, they are like, ‘Ana you are so different’. Well, I guess they are right, that’s being me, acting different.

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