ATCP married to monocultural guy. I feel restless and misunderstood. How to negotiate through this?
I was born in PNG, lived in Philippines and Singapore then back home to my passport country (NZ) for High school. I planned to head back overseas, but met my dream (monocultural) man at university and am now very happily married with three great elementary aged kids. Now at 35 years I have all I want - except we live in NZ! I love it here, we live by the sea, it’s not hot, crowded or smelly!! But I find myself restless, hanging out to move back to Asia. And I don’t really feel understood by my other half… how do I negotiate through this? He is quite happy here, settled.
Is there anyone else out there who is like me married to someone who has a very strong sense of roots? Any books out there that would be relevant reading, of help in how to negotiate through our conflicting needs?
Rachel McCulloch
I was born in the highlands of Papua New Guinea, and spent time in the Philippines (Manila) and Singapore before returning to New Zealand where I now live with my husband Andrew and three children.Related Posts
2 Comments to “ATCP married to monocultural guy. I feel restless and misunderstood. How to negotiate through this?”
June 27th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I am 42, married for 15 years with three daughters. My husband and I also met in college and now live in the place where my husband spent his whole childhood (and where his family has lived for over 200 years, which outside of the US may seem like a short time). I often feel restless and that’s when I travel - anywhere! If I can’t travel outside of the country, I’ll find a cultural festival and travel there. It helps to take the edge off. I’ve also continuously highlight the benefits of having lived abroad as a child. When he compliments a personality trait, I relate it to an experience I had living outside of my original culture. It’s taken years, but we are preparing to emigrate so that our daughters can have the same experience I did. Of course, I did all the research/job search/school search (I home school for easier transition, which I know isn’t for everyone). I still feel restless and I suspect that even when we move I will continue to, mostly because I’ve never not felt restless no matter how many changes I’ve made. So now I “fake it ’til I make it” hoping that by acting settled, I’ll feel settled one day.
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June 27th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
wow…I guess I can’t imagine it since I am way too young.
I do find that amazing because I can’t even imagine marrying a TCK… I just find myself to restless to ever want to settle.
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