Are TCKs better listeners?
We often talk about how we wish people would really show interest in our lives…not just smalltalk and questions like ‘was it fun to live in X…’ We all agree that it’s frustrating sometimes not to be understood.. Do we as a group define ourselves as better listeners than non-TCKs? Would we, for instance, be as interested in a non-TCK’s lifestory as we would wish them to be in ours? Even if they had lived in the same small town all their life, do we sometimes forget that their story might be just as much worth telling? Maria Lina Andvik (Norway)
Not necessarily. A fear of opening up doesn’t necessarily make you a better listener.
I think TCKs have a fear of intimacy, getting close with someone can be difficult for some of us. So we don’t try.
Then we wonder why we’re not emotionally attached to people, and why it’s so easy to pack up our bags and say goodbye. It’s because we know more about them than they know about us.
So I believe if we invest in someone and share more of our experiences, we’ll become more attached and involved. I could be wrong, but that’s my 2 cents.
What’s your opinion?
Brice
Hello, I'm Brice, the founder of TCKID.com. I'm a French, Vietnamese and Ethiopian TCK and I live in Vancouver, Canada. A while back I discovered I was a third culture kid and wanted to help TCKs find a sense of belonging. You can too. Get involved and start making a difference. || Donate. || Volunteer ||Related Posts
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9 Comments to “Are TCKs better listeners?”
November 9th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Very good point… I just realized I tend to push people away when they get too close, especially when i just changed schools so it’s my own fault and I shouldn’t complain. I think that’s the source of my problem, it’s not that I’m unable to connect to anyone, it’s that I haven’t really tried. most of my friendships are with people I’ve met recently, because all my other friends are from other countries.
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November 15th, 2007 at 9:28 am
It is hard to get close to people, and part of the reason is that I don’t try. I think my reasoning goes like this: It’s a lot of work to maintain relationships with many people after I move away, and most of them aren’t going to put in that effort, so why bother? I realize that is faulty reasoning. There have been people who did (do) put in that effort, and I am thankful for it, but to my shame I know that they do most of the work in the relationship. On the other hand, I do find people’s life stories interesting, even if they’ve never left their town. Those are almost the most interesting — they know their town better than I do and can give me the true flavor of it! But actually getting close to them as people is a different matter.
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November 22nd, 2007 at 1:23 pm
I used to be very avoidant of people because I though that it wouldn’t matter as I will leave soon anyway. However, I’m getting the feeling these days that if I don’t open myself up and get involved with others, it will be as though I’ve never existed to begin with. I’ve always felt sort of semi-transparent as I drift in and out of peoples’ lives. Now I wonder, ‘what’s the point of living on this earth if I’m to afaid to put myself out there’.
I believe that there is an inherent need in most people to leave behind a legacy as some sort of testament to their existence. I guess the risk of getting hurt is just the trade-off I’m willing to make now.
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December 4th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
[…] Are TCKs better listeners? […]
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December 27th, 2007 at 7:19 am
I’ve always put a lot of effort into relationships. I’ve never had the “why should i bother” mentality. I think i try to make the biggest impact on a person before we have to part ways… If anything i think i scare people with how quickly i expect a relationship to develop.. I can go from meeting someone for the first time, to spilling secrets in a heart beat hahahaha…
The reason its so easy for me to pack up and say good bye is because I live in the constant, and maybe naive, hope that there are other people who i have yet to meet who I will laugh with and share amazing stories with.
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December 27th, 2007 at 8:40 am
i think i tend to listen to others because in some ways, it’s much easier than talking about myself, do you know what i mean? i love hearing about others’ life stories, but i struggle to verbalize my own.
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December 30th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Up until a few years ago, I never did put much effort into relationships. When I was boarding at school in Thailand, I realised that my friends are going to be my lifelong friends because whatever happened to me they were THERE, they still are. Boarding made such a difference, your bonds with fellow boarders are very strong.
Granted they are all TCKs but I keep in touch with a few of them (all boarders) which is enough because you only need a small group of people who know you well in your life. Being the only TCK in the family, I basically see my friends as my family.
Last year, I found myself a non-TCK American good friend whom I keep in touch with still. I find that he keeps in touch better than my TCK friends, every two weeks or so I hear from him and vice versa. Perhaps because he’s not as busy as the others are but I don’t feel disconnected from my other friends’ lives at all. He’s an open-minded non-TCK; dated a Turkish girl for several years and his grandpa was English - these help I suppose.
With all of them, it was very hard to say goodbye. I miss them a lot but I have faith that we will see one another again - I reckon in the TCK world, your paths will cross at some point, somehow. I’m glad we all keep in touch, whenever something’s bothering me I know that I can just email them - I do that and they know that I’m also only an email away.
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December 30th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Think I digressed quite a bit there. I value friendship above all else and I listen to both TCKs and non-TCKs because in the end, there’ll always be a few friends in your life with whom you’ve strong bonds. These people I keep in touch with because losing touch would be horrible. I don’t belong to a particular place but I belong with them so to lose them would be like losing a “home”.
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February 21st, 2008 at 4:52 pm
i swear…TCKS are definitely better listeners. At least…for teenagers, which I am. Most teenagers don’t even try to listen all they do is speak. LOL but yah, I think i want to listen to people all the time and actually I want to become as intimate to a place as possible cuz I noe there’s only so little time (that’s something non-TCKS nnever gonna realize).
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