Another “Is there something wrong with me!?” post ;)
At times I can be really depressed, which I hate other people to see how I am feeling but at the same time I have this urge to want to tell someone, anyone know I’m not happy! plus I’m also super indecisive, and I dislike that about myself..I ask other people’s opinions sometimes but in the end I’m always confused what is the Best thing to do. I want to be outgoing and do amazing things yet I always doubt myself and am too embarrassed and nervous to step out of the box - but then again when I do have plans to do something, I don’t do that great and disappoint myself, whether through lack of effort or what I don’t know..it’s getting hard to believe in myself.
August 29th, 2008 at 6:58 am
Hello Anonymus,
I’ve sort of been through the same thing myself. Being unhappy was, for the longest time, unacceptable to me. I (and I guess most TCKs) grew up in environments where I was surrounded by (at least seemingly) happy, successful people…They were smart, worldly, wealthy, and happy with their family lives. For the longest time I was in complete denial of my situation…I just COULD NOT come out and say that I wasn’t satisfied with the way I was living. Like you, I would pretend around people that I was OK, and even worse, I’d also try to convince myself that it was true.
Now, I’m not saying you should lock yourself up in your bedroom for a month…On the contrary, I would advise you to keep busy and go out and do things and take risks even if you don’t feel it. And don’t hate yourself for not being outgoing…While extreme shyness can be a handicap, in the long run, discreet people are better liked.
That said, I think it’s a great relief to admit to yourself that you’re lonely, sad…and CRY…not repeatedly, but every now and then, it’s very healthy to just get it all out of your system. The day I finally admitted to myself that I was going through an unhappy period in my life, I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t pour my heart out to anyone, but I did stop trying to go out of my way pretend that I was dandy…and I just felt like a lighter, more honest person. I think Western culture makes us think that we absolutely have to be happy, whatever that is, 24/7…Facebook, for example, is all about showcasing one’s purpotedly fantastic life. But the real world just doesn’t work that way. Anyone who tells you that they’re always happy is either lying or an idiot.
I guess I’m not making much sense. I just want you to know that I understand how you feel. I think the best thing you can do is come to terms with your situation, try to understand the causes, keep yourself really busy, and take lots and lots of risks…
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August 29th, 2008 at 7:42 am
*Ayako pokes Uncle Dan*
I used to be very decisive about things but that’s because I was young and foolish :p I am a bit more careful now and will ask for opinions - just like getting a second or third opinion from different doctors when you think there’s something wrong with yourself and the first doctor says everything’s fine.
The trick is how to sort out the opinions.
As you know and I know - some people will say things that are utter nonsense - so you can ignore these.
Then with the more valid advice/opinions/suggestions you can write them down on a piece of paper or PowerPoint (whichever way is easier) and sort them out into Pros & Cons.
Look at them quantitatively first to see if there’s a lot more Pros than Cons or vice versa.
Then, look at them qualitatively to see how important/critical each Pro or Con is.
For example, negatives like ‘maybe a ruined career for life’ or ‘maybe will end up dead’ or ‘maybe will end up in jail’ are quite serious so you want to pay attention to these and maybe abort your plan - because no matter how long your list of Pros are, it’s probably not worth it unless the stakes are really high like - ‘might rake in millions of dollars’, ‘will save the life of my family’ etc.
On the other hand if your negatives are just about embarrassment or stressing out or losing one job (with prospects to find another), then maybe if the positives outweigh these you might decide to take a risk?
It’s like writing an outline for an essay for IB English. Once it’s down on paper the process of decision making should seem a lot less complicated.
Good luck!
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August 31st, 2008 at 10:15 am
By the way - have you ever read Kurt Vonnegut’s ‘A Man Without A Country’?
Somewhere in there, there’s a passage that will really make you laugh. It’s about what he thinks of ‘decisive’ people.
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September 2nd, 2008 at 7:21 pm
ag! When I read your post, I could relate.
Believe me, you are not alone.
When i start thinking about all the things that need to be done while people start becoming overwhelming and i can’t be myself and when i don’t even know what it means to be ME, then the problems cycle to introduce new ones and i get even MORE confused.
i think what helps me is to not think too much about the details. ex) what would they think of me if i said/did so and so? should i stick with this decision..and what if so and so happens?
well, i am just going to say don’t pay attention to what you think is going to happen. at times allow yourself to explore. of course, doing something that fits into the cons list mentioned by Ayako will seriously put you in an unpleasant situation, but hey why not look at the outline of the thing you know your heart knows you were born for? okay.. i know things are more complicated and it’s not always as clear as white and black. but you know sometimes, it’s good to follow your heart and let the details follow for you.
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October 29th, 2008 at 10:03 am
This is what some call the “spiral”. Stop it. You know what you must do, don’t doubt yourself.
Another Ghost In The Shell quote:
Batou: I guess once you start doubting, there’s no end to it.
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