Being a TCK is having a restless monster inside of you
Where to begin? Being a TCK is having a restless monster inside of you, waiting to leap out and devour your happiness whenever it pleases. It’s unpredictable, and completely crushing, every time. The number of times I’ve settled into a new environment, a new culture, a new lifestyle; felt confident and happy. Yet there’s always that day or two where nothing can prepare you for the lonely and painful truth: you belong to absolutely nowhere. Your culture is a non-existent one; a jumble of different ideologies and traditions. My dad’s from Zimbabwe and my mum from Belgium. I’m 18 and I’ve moved seven times between the US, Europe and China. I was always put in a French International school.
Yet the French International Schools differed. In London, the school was filled with international French students who had never moved during their adolescence, and if they had, it was from France to the French neighborhoods in London. Not that big a transition. And they were all extremely happy to have had the experience; they were naturally inquisitive and more open to different cultures. Clearly, the move helped them grow.
What shocked me most was when I lived in Hong Kong when I was 14 years old. Most of the people in my year had travelled as much as I had, and I remember going to a party one day where we had a competition on “who has the most scars on their bodies”. One girl even tried to commit suicide that year. They would then proceed in taking ample amounts of drugs and alcohol. Many of my schoolmates suffered from memory loss because of it, and their parents never noticed, because they were too busy devoting themselves to their bank instead of their family. Although I am very close to my family, it wasn’t always that way. When we moved to Hong Kong, my siblings and I waged war against our parents, as we were tired of leaving our friends. But what could they do? Moving around was part of their career. So when that didn’t work, we turned against each other. My sister almost died of anorexia that year, but after a year in the hospital, she recovered. My brother didn’t spend a day without drinking.
Forcing teenagers to move excessively can be exceedingly dangerous. Children can handle it, I think, but teenagers after the second, third, forth or fifth move, can feel extreme anxiety. Although we are all now accomplished, tolerant and educated, I can’t help but ask myself: at what cost?
October 9th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Hi Kevin,
I personally feel the costs we pay are too high.
Even though we get a ‘better’ education than many people because of our first hand experiences and understand a lot of things that many people can only intellectually fathom - I wouldn’t put my kids through the same thing to be honest if I had had any, i.e. I chose not to have children.
Don’t you think it’s enough for the parents to have friends from different countries that they invite into their homes for the child to grow up with less prejudices? Can’t this be even better than living overseas all the time and having parents who actually are pretty narrow minded in some cases?
I think we’ll only settle our accounts when our children (though I won’t be having any) grow up with the benefit of parents who don’t drum xenophobic propaganda into their children and it won’t ever benefit us personally but contribute in some small way to the good of all mankind.
Also for those of us who won’t ever have children - we do have a small impact on people we come into contact with - where other people can see that a person from country A doesn’t necessarily subscribe to their stereotype of persons from country A.
I think on one level we have to be contented with someone (in this case someone from Zaire or Tanzania maybe) coming out of all this saying: “You know I met this Canadian guy. He’s from Canada but he grew-up in Zaire and Tanzania and doesn’t make ignorant comments about Africa like other Canadians do. I like him.”
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October 10th, 2008 at 6:26 am
As a TCK and a TCA (adult) don’t have any regrets about how I grew up and have lived as an adult. Have tried to pass on international life experience without the moving around my kids around - easy as my parents were in HK for many years and have friends all over the world.
The one thing that stands out is a lack of roots, but this can also be liberating by having the ability to just pack up, move and adapt. Although it is like having a restless monster inside, just think of all the exciting things one can learn from a new culture and meeting new people.
Am about to move to my 10th country (and 5th continent) with my partner who also spent part of his childhood overseas. It helps to be with someone who shares a similar background as they understand the issues that one faces, even if he is Canadian and I am Swedish!
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October 11th, 2008 at 2:49 am
To be honest, I think it is. And it’s been personally and maybe emotionally damaging for me, if not physically. I know that I will still continue to travel even after I leave school and turn 20 and whatnot. Thing is, I know I can’t do it forever, and I can’t keep ignoring everything. In a way, I guess the only reason I haven’t completely cracked is because I choose to ignore everything and not care. Somehow, life is a lot easier to deal with that way.
It’s interesting how that works out. I do care about people I’ve met and stuff, but it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Plus I find it easier to deal with ignorant mono-cultures who choose to stereotype me and insist that I’m not chinese enough or whatever. Usually a cold stare does it.
It’s given me greater dependence on myself. But I guess it gets lonely sometimes.
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