5 Ways Therapists Can Help Third Culture Kids (TCKs)
Therapists who treat those who have grown up in a cross cultural context can assist these clients by helping them identify their current stage of cultural identity as demonstrated in the Cross model.
The treatment process might also include the following: helping them to name themselves and their experience, recognizing problematic behavioral patterns, acknowledging losses and emotional wounds, identifying the effects of cultural imbalance, and finally, by aiding them in cherishing the many positive experiences and benefits of a cross cultural upbringing.
1. Naming Themselves and Their Experience
In essence, the individual in therapy must answer some questions. How has the experience of growing up between or among cultures made them who they are? What values do they hold as a result of their experience? What can be done to heal unresolved grief and other emotional wounds? For many people simply discovering that there are legitimate reasons for their feelings not only helps them understand themselves better, it also normalizes the experience. As Pollock and Van Reken (2001) state, “Instead of feeling their history is a piece of life’s puzzle that will never fit, they now see it as the key piece around which so many others fall into place.”
Tip: Read other TCKs stories and how they name themselves and write about their experiences.
2. Naming Behavioral Patterns
If a client identifies certain lifelong repetitive patterns such as not allowing intimacy to develop in one relationship after another, or constantly moving, some questions might be asked. Is this behavior related to confusion of identities? Is it an expression of unresolved grief?
Tip: Learn about common TCKs issues and how they handle them.
3. Naming Losses and Emotional Wounds
It is often difficult to look at the past for fear of facing old pain. However, adults can realize that no matter how badly a certain situation hurts, they have already survived it and that situation is now past. By facing the pain it can be grieved and resolved and it is important for adults who have grown up between cultures to periodically reexamine this pain/loss. Journaling may help the client to uncover previously unrecognized losses. Another effective tool for both client and therapist is the use of a timeline. The timeline can be used to track where and with whom the client lived during what periods of time between ages one and 18. It allows both client and therapist to see where the transitions between various cultures occurred and at what ages in order to better understand specific separations and losses, and proceed to address areas that need to be healed.
Tip: Write about your losses and examine your unresolved grief.
4. Recognizing the Affects of Cultural Imbalance
Therapists should help mixed culture clients to carefully think through the impact of culture on the client’s developmental process. Some of the feelings adult Third Culture Kids struggle with may be largely a result of cultural imbalance; the feeling of being off balance, odd, and out of phase with those around them.
Tip: Learn about uneven maturity and cultural imbalance.
5. Cherishing the Gifts of a Cross Cultural Upbringing
Often those who have had a cross-cultural upbringing may be defensive when asked about the painful aspects of their past. They frequently feel frustrated when others cannot relate to their life experiences. At the same time they do not want to negate a way of life that is a core aspect of their identity. It is important for the therapist to help the client to acknowledge the paradoxical nature of the experience, so that the many positive aspects and difficult challenges of a cross-cultural childhood can be integrated into a coherent story, a piece of the puzzle around which so many others fall into place. When the client is finally able to hold and own all facets of his or her life story together, he or she is likely to say that the blessings of a cross cultural childhood are many indeed.
Tip: Learn about your strengths and how to use them.
http://www.tckid.com/group/should-my-children-be-tcks/
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Beth Kebschull, LCSW is a TCK, having spent six years of her childhood in Taiwan as the daughter of
missionaries. She is in private practice in Torrance, California. She also works as a staff psychotherapist
at Jewish Family Service Counseling and Resource Center in Torrance.
Maria Pozo-Humphreys, LCSW is a TCK/Global Nomad, having spent much of her childhood in
Taiwan, Japan, and Venezuela as the daughter of a business executive. She continued this lifestyle as an adult raising her children in Asia and Latin America as well. Maria Pozo-Humphreys is a practicing
psychotherapist with an office in Long Beach.
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