3 Reasons Why Being a TCK is Challenging. (Share your burdens here)
This is a writing exercise. Name 3 reasons Why being a TCK is challenging.
Do you think being a TCK sucks? Well, some TCKs seem to think so. It’s challenging if you have restlessness, a lack of identity, short-term relationships and unresolved grief. If you’ve been on the site long enough, then you won’t be surprised to find out that some TCKs have had to deal with issues like depression, drugs, alcoholism, and self-injury.
-Do you feel like you don’t belong anywhere?
-Do you have short-term relationships and friendships (18 months to 2 years)?
-Do you have a lot of unresolved grief and sadness for breaking off relationships and friendships?
-Do you feel restless and unable to deal with it?
-Have you always felt you never got a say when your parents decided to move?
We have many hidden losses and unresolved grief. It’s time to write about them.
This post is about naming 3 reasons why being a TCK is challenging. Name your losses and allow yourself to write about your deepest feelings.
“Why write about negative emotions? Isn’t that a bad idea?”
Pennebaker, a professor in the Department of Psychology at The University of Texas at Austin is a pioneer in the study of using expressive writing as a route to healing. His research has shown that short-term focused writing can have a beneficial effect on everyone from those dealing with a terminal illness to victims of violent crime to college students facing first-year transitions.
“When people are given the opportunity to write about emotional upheavals, they often experience improved health,” Pennebaker says. “They go to the doctor less. They have changes in immune function. If they are first-year college students, their grades tend to go up. People will tell us months afterward that it’s been a very beneficial experience for them.”
So.. what did you lose? What are you really angry or sad about? What are your fears? Who hurt you and who did you hurt?
You can rant and express yourself and post anonymously if you want by logging in as “anonymoustck”.
Username:anonymoustck
Password:anonymoustck
ON THE POSITIVE SIDE: Should my children be TCKs? and What’s the best thing about being a TCK? Read reasons why being a TCK has been a positive experience.
April 10th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Lauren, you have touched my heart deeply. People around me see me as a happy love life type of person, too. I may look and act hyper but many a times when I am alone in my room, I crash down uncontrollably. I just wish the best for my friends–to be happy and not have them involved with my problems. When I do share my struggles with them, I feel misunderstood and hurt that I have learned to be more reserved about sharing the deepest feelings.
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April 10th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Constanza,
You seem like a good person
this is my broken Spanish but..
Estoy apesadumbrado para su situación. Le mantendré mis rezos.
Hoping you the best
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April 10th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
I wish I could be there for you, Aisyah.
Here is my (((hug)))
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April 10th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I am not sure how helpful this may be, but have you considered posting fliers that will catch the attention of the TCK? This is an idea that has come up to me recently and that is to post a question “Do you hate the question “Where are you from?”" and maybe include one more question that reflects typical TCK and then say, “If so, find out more at ____(place name e.g. coffee shop) on _____(day and time). I think this might be an interesting way to meet other TCKs. Also, another idea is to have your contact information say email underneath the flier so people can email you of their interests in the meeting.
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April 10th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
I am glad you have found something you will stick to =)
It’s not easy when linguistically challenged but I am looking forward to seeing you become a success, Anayawa.
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April 11th, 2008 at 4:37 am
….So true….!!!!
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April 17th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Well I am in my 1/4 life crisis right now at 21. I would say for the first 1/2 of my life I LOVED being a TCK. BUt now I am not so sure…
1) I am VERY willing to open up and rush into friendships, but this severely impairs my judgment into what kind of person I SHOULD be friends with. One can find themselves in pretty terrible company because they are just happy to make a new friend NOT MATTER WHO IT IS THAT’s INTERESTED
2) You can float forever (it feels like). I am currently doing correspondences courses for Indiana University. It is terribly unfulfilling. I am a bit of a social butterfly, but I can’t get a Job in the country I am currently living in because there are too many factors I don’t know about. When will I move, where will I move, how will I save enough money, what will my parents assist me in and approve of… ect.
3) I am an affection and attention fiend. And when I don’t get it… I have a tendency to be an extremist. I don’t really know what it is like for a friend to ALWAYS be there for me. So the SECOND I think someone has lost interest in our friendship… I can say some pretty harsh things…which could potentially end the friendship or put rifts in it, even if it’s just over a stupid misunderstanding/miscommunication. Where do you stand? You know? How can you build confidence in a friendship if you never really had the time or know how to have a successful one?
*4) This may pertain only to me BUT- My parents aren’t TCK’s. They are both from Solid Family Backgrounds so they don’t really understand what kind of psychological affects are going on at these critical points in your life when you are always on the move. Most of the time they just tell me I am a whiner :(. SO I am torn between feeling GUILTY for having so much trouble and wanting to just suck it up and be happyl… and Whine about how I have a certain emotional handicap from some bad experiences along the way…. I guess I do whine… a little
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April 18th, 2008 at 7:10 am
1. Not having a place that feels like ‘home’: I don’t actually have a home country. My mother is Danish, my father Irish, but I was born in Luxembourg, where I lived till I was nine. I tried living in Ireland for a few years, but I never felt the connection there. I now live in Denmark, but that connection of ‘home’ is just not there.
Ironically, living in Ireland made me feel less irish, and living in Denmark has made me feel less danish.
I have revisted Luxembourg many times since I left, because my father used to live there and I still have one or two friends there, and as much as I lived there till I was 9, I never thought of Luxembourg as home, and I still don’t. I have never felt much of a connection to Luxembourg, other than an old familiar place that I know well.
2. Having to explain all the time in great detail where I am from: When people ask me where I am from I just tell them “According to the paperwork I am half irish half danish.”
I can’t understand WHY people have this need to categorise others. When you can’t give them a foolproof answer, they get irritated, and then when we have to keep explaining where we are from, we get so irritated that we give up, then THEY think we are rude for not wanting to give them a chance to bloody well categorise us!?!?!
It makes me fume! The funny thing is, they don’t realise how much they ask where people are from, but when you can’t give a single worded concrete answer, then it’s hard not to notice.
It’s such a catch-22 situation! When you explain your background, your arrogant and a show off, when you don’t your rude and reticent!
3. Food cravings from other countries: When you live in a country, you get used to all the food there, and the sweets, like in asia you can get milo, or switzerland catatonia ( i think thats how it is spelled) or in most of europe you can get cadburys, but then you move to another place and they don’t have any of your favourites! so you make favourites all over the globe, only to be denied them when you move again… it makes me very sad… When I was in switzerland it was the worst, NO creme eggs!?!?! It was terrible! Then, in Denmark they have loads of little things you can’t get outside of scandinavia which are AMAZING! (To be perfectly honest part of why i moved was partially for the sweets…heheh) or in Luxembourg they have really nice huit’s in the bakeries, or apfeltasch!
and, the worst, the absolute worst for me, is that they don’t sell Bourisn in Denmark… I’M DYING of withdrawal symptoms!
Ok, I know it’s great for my hips this forced diet of none of my fav cheese spread… but STILL! It’s torture…
To be honest, I love being a TCK, I wouldn’t change it for the world, but those would be the biggest drawbacks for me…
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April 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
It’s true that the positive of being a TCK outweighs the negative, but those few negatives are the hardest hurdles to overcome, more so often when you come back “home”. In lands that are not native to you, your awkwardness and emotions are expected due to you being a forginer and more so often you’ll be among people who have gone through the same experience. But once you’re in your country of origin these emotions are magnified. In your home country you expected to fit in, no one gives you the benefit of the doubt and whatever emotions you’re going through very few people understand. The land you once thought you can call home is now the farthest thing from it.
This is how I feel at the moment in the USA, after living for 13 years in Arabia. I came here thinking that I would fit in some way in a culture more native to me. God I was wrong. I guess also being a TCK you tend to develop a norm that for some reason or another in your native country is a pretty high standard. Where I lived talks of religion, politics and culture were a common discussion (even with my stoner friends!), here nothing. It feels that you have fallen from the intellectual realm into the realm of the epitimy of the layman. I keep trying to adapt and lower the intensity of conversation, but I kills me anytime I try to be something I’m not. But with these high expectations that come naturally to TCK’s will limit their social life. I find I have no real interest in dating over here, or even merely having a friendship. Some say that the basses of friendship is commonality and cant seen any over here.
I do find TCK’s here and there, but as always history repeats its self. They always go away. I meet them and it turns out in a week I lose them from that ever expanding sea that separates hearts and emotions to all.
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April 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Hi Miyon,
Just came across your comments!
I do find that the ability to relate in some way (be it ever so small) to someone new helps in bridging potentially awkward situations.
And yeah, my husband is not one to gossip, which helps with trust, A LOT! Esp., since we went to small Christian college, where, believe it or not, gossip was at a premium, b/c “news” was shared sometimes in guise of a “prayer request”, etc. Nice, huh?! Happens in churches too, unfortunately.
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