3 Reasons Why Being a TCK is Challenging. (Share your burdens here)
This is a writing exercise. Name 3 reasons Why being a TCK is challenging.
Do you think being a TCK sucks? Well, some TCKs seem to think so. It’s challenging if you have restlessness, a lack of identity, short-term relationships and unresolved grief. If you’ve been on the site long enough, then you won’t be surprised to find out that some TCKs have had to deal with issues like depression, drugs, alcoholism, and self-injury.
-Do you feel like you don’t belong anywhere?
-Do you have short-term relationships and friendships (18 months to 2 years)?
-Do you have a lot of unresolved grief and sadness for breaking off relationships and friendships?
-Do you feel restless and unable to deal with it?
-Have you always felt you never got a say when your parents decided to move?
We have many hidden losses and unresolved grief. It’s time to write about them.
This post is about naming 3 reasons why being a TCK is challenging. Name your losses and allow yourself to write about your deepest feelings.
“Why write about negative emotions? Isn’t that a bad idea?”
Pennebaker, a professor in the Department of Psychology at The University of Texas at Austin is a pioneer in the study of using expressive writing as a route to healing. His research has shown that short-term focused writing can have a beneficial effect on everyone from those dealing with a terminal illness to victims of violent crime to college students facing first-year transitions.
“When people are given the opportunity to write about emotional upheavals, they often experience improved health,” Pennebaker says. “They go to the doctor less. They have changes in immune function. If they are first-year college students, their grades tend to go up. People will tell us months afterward that it’s been a very beneficial experience for them.”
So.. what did you lose? What are you really angry or sad about? What are your fears? Who hurt you and who did you hurt?
You can rant and express yourself and post anonymously if you want by logging in as “anonymoustck”.
Username:anonymoustck
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ON THE POSITIVE SIDE: Should my children be TCKs? and What’s the best thing about being a TCK? Read reasons why being a TCK has been a positive experience.
March 31st, 2008 at 8:21 am
For me it was several things.
1. repatriation. I returned from Germany when I was almost 7 and I hated it that there were no flower boxes, magical castles and beautiful little shops and forests. In less than a year, my parents divorced so that didn’t help. I hated my home country and didn’t fit in.
2. Not fitting in. I used to think this was because my mother taught me to think for myself, but I think it has more to do with being a TCK because too many TCK’s don’t fit in either. My youngest brother only spent a year when he was 3 and 4 in Okinawa but then was in his home country for most of the rest of his growing up. He is the only one of my siblings that lived in one country from kindergarten through college and he fits in so much better than my older brother and I who are both TCK/CCK/Army Brats.
3. No friends and as such, no one to rely on when times get tough. I hear other people talking about their close friends that were there for them and I feel so alone and alienated. Even though it has made me more self sufficient, it is very lonly in here. There’s no network for support and friendship.
4. When I am in my home country I don’t fit in, but when I travel and stay for a while in another country, I still don’t fit in. Oh for a while I was able to sort of dive under the foreign culture and blend in, but eventually my home culture creeps in to make me feel different. Being in a foreign culture feels good and is like hiding behind an identity for a while….it helps me forget that I am lonly.
What I would like MOST is to find other TCK/CCK/and or Army Brats here in Flagstaff. I don’t know how to start a network.
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March 31st, 2008 at 11:16 am
Being a TCK Sucks because:-
1. Repatriation and Identity: I thought going back to my home country would be incredible and I would fit in easily. Unfortunately it wasn’t like that. I couldn’t fit in and even now I still don’t fit in with my country mates living abroad. I do love my country but somehow I feel my country does not love me.
There were times I would cry because I didn’t know my local languages (I don’t know why it seems like being African is synonymous with the languages that you speak). Now I know Czech (like intermediate level) and I’m learning Spanish (still a beginner). I feel stateless.
2. Relationships: I don’t like people getting to close to me. I cannot keep a boyfriend and all my friendships have ended because someone moved away. I have only managed to keep one friend from childhood.
3. Inferiority and focus: Some people say that my life is interesting. I never saw it that way and I seldom talk about my past or life willingly. I used to be suicidal between the ages of 14-18. I used to bottle all my feelings up inside me because no one understood.
In secondary school I would have been voted most likely to succeed and most focused student. But since then I’ve been changing courses ever so often. But I will stick to what I am doing now, Public Health (I guess I found what I like, finally)
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April 10th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I am not sure as to whether this will pertain to your struggles, but to share with you what has happened to me lately is that when I had interests in someone and he also showed interests in me, I did not take it to the next level. For a couple of days, I was hurting so much inside by the thought of getting together with him that I stopped having any feelings for him. It was some sort of defense mechanism that shut me down from seeking any relationships–and I think it was not necessarily about him and also to many of my good friends I’ve found it difficult to open up.
The pain was big enough for me to pursue any more friendships. I thought I had so much love and care for my friends…but then I want to stop caring and just be numb towards them. ::sigh::
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April 10th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
I am sorry to hear that, USAFinn.
It sure must have been hard for you to have finally gained something near to a sense of home and friends and having to lose them again.
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April 10th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Matthew,
I can relate to 1) and 2) although I did not grow up in an isolated small village like you have. I spent my high school lonely, not that I want to have self-pity on myself but the loneliness has made me a more out-going person. Please do know that there are people out there that understand you and feel for you. I wish I could do one thing that will make you happy today. hehe. Welcome to TCKID!
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April 10th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
3) -> haha.. I don’t want to start on this one, either. It’s too much on my plate to think about right now.
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April 10th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
3) not knowing -> I think I have become stronger by “knowing” the typical TCK struggles. “Knowing” is analogical to fighting a battle. If you know that there is a battle and what is going on, you can fight. But in the case where you sense there is a battle but cannot discern what is happening, you can be confused and have less strength to fight–for you do lack the big picture. I am sure you are already aware of this but thought of sharing. hehe
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April 10th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
“No matter how you phrase it, it sounds very strange and pathetic when you try to explain that blanket means home. The blanket is still there.”
-> I almost always keep all the notes/letters/small presents from friends even if they are small things like Post-its. I have difficulties letting these objects go (I have considered at some point in my life that when my house got on fire, the box of letters from friends will be one of the first objects to come into rescue!). This is as though “love” of my friends and “home” are embedded in them. =)
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April 10th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
That made sense, Isabella. Thanks for sharing with us. I can relate to all three!
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April 10th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
yay! i agree! “a gamut of experiences from which to pull a connection.”
also, I am happy for you to have met your husband who has a high degree of “closemouthedness.”
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