3 Reasons Why Being a TCK is Challenging. (Share your burdens here)
This is a writing exercise. Name 3 reasons Why being a TCK is challenging.
Do you think being a TCK sucks? Well, some TCKs seem to think so. It’s challenging if you have restlessness, a lack of identity, short-term relationships and unresolved grief. If you’ve been on the site long enough, then you won’t be surprised to find out that some TCKs have had to deal with issues like depression, drugs, alcoholism, and self-injury.
-Do you feel like you don’t belong anywhere?
-Do you have short-term relationships and friendships (18 months to 2 years)?
-Do you have a lot of unresolved grief and sadness for breaking off relationships and friendships?
-Do you feel restless and unable to deal with it?
-Have you always felt you never got a say when your parents decided to move?
We have many hidden losses and unresolved grief. It’s time to write about them.
This post is about naming 3 reasons why being a TCK is challenging. Name your losses and allow yourself to write about your deepest feelings.
“Why write about negative emotions? Isn’t that a bad idea?”
Pennebaker, a professor in the Department of Psychology at The University of Texas at Austin is a pioneer in the study of using expressive writing as a route to healing. His research has shown that short-term focused writing can have a beneficial effect on everyone from those dealing with a terminal illness to victims of violent crime to college students facing first-year transitions.
“When people are given the opportunity to write about emotional upheavals, they often experience improved health,” Pennebaker says. “They go to the doctor less. They have changes in immune function. If they are first-year college students, their grades tend to go up. People will tell us months afterward that it’s been a very beneficial experience for them.”
So.. what did you lose? What are you really angry or sad about? What are your fears? Who hurt you and who did you hurt?
You can rant and express yourself and post anonymously if you want by logging in as “anonymoustck”.
Username:anonymoustck
Password:anonymoustck
ON THE POSITIVE SIDE: Should my children be TCKs? and What’s the best thing about being a TCK? Read reasons why being a TCK has been a positive experience.
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:50 am
woops..i hate being a TCK.
i’ll get better eventually..
i hope.
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March 3rd, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Constanza, is there a counselor at your school you can talk to? That might be more comfortable than going to an “official” psychologist. Y’know, start small and work your way up to the real deal.:) Please do try to find someone to talk to in person.
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March 3rd, 2008 at 8:07 pm
yea..i actually went to the conseling center of my school and they’ll find me someone to talk to.
they’re supposed to call me tomorrow..so i guess that’s something good.
thanks for your concern sondra!
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March 4th, 2008 at 2:11 am
Constanza: I think you have way too much commitments right now - as in working to pay for your schooling & living. Some people can handle this workload very well but it’s not for everyone.
You are overworked and way too tired and that I think in itself can make you depressed and unbalanced. It can also make you lose your appetite.
When I moved from conference interpreting to account management and had a lot of catching up to do in terms of studying marketing. I used to read marketing books every waking moment when I wasn’t doing my job…and I lost my appetite and lost 6-7 kg…or was it even more? When my weight hit 43 kg I knew I had to eat or end up in the hospital for anorexia, so I ate a lot of high calorie food in the evenings. But guess what? Once there’s a down hill momentum it takes a few days for the weight gain to kick in again - so after eating A LOT - I was down to 42 kg the next day and I thought: arrrgh I’ve gotta eat! So I continued eating until my weight started creeping upward to 45 kg again.
Our work hours were 14-16 hour days by the way. And I was thinking: No wonder people die from Karooshi in Japan and no wonder there’s a word for it!
I think trying to eat healthy and trying to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep at night will help you feel better (even though it doesn’t make all your problems go away), but I don’t know if you can afford to do that :S
Hope you feel better soon - and remember that by trying to get better education you’re doing the right thing to make your future a brighter one! You are going through a very tough time now and nobody should brush this aside and say everyone goes through it because not everyone has it this hard.
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March 4th, 2008 at 9:32 am
thank you so much Ayako.
this is something i like about this community..people take me seriously and don’t think that i’m over-reacting to stuff
i have 2 months of school left so i think i can push myself to finish this semester. after that i’m not sure what i’m going to do. i’ve been talking to my parents and i think i want to go to chile for the summer and get “therapy” while im there..at least see a counselor and have time to see my relatives (who i haven’t seen for 6 years) and childhood friends. it’ll be nice to go to my passport country and see how things have changed, relax, etc.etc.
my most recent idea is to take next school year off and go to spain or england to work (i have a good friend in spain and an uncle in england) and save up some money to pay for school. right now my parents are in no conditions of helping me and because im not a US resident or citizen i can’t get any financial aid. i do have a scholarship from my university, but it doesn’t cover everything. so i don’t quiet know what i’m going to do…but i don’t even want to think of coming back to school next year with no money. it’s just too hard! i never get a break because i work during the school year and i work full time at an office during breaks, and if i can i clean houses on the weekends.
so anyways
glad to know that sondra and ayako cared.
THANKS A LOT!!!
i feel better already.
at least i know some people understand.
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March 4th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Hola Constanza,
Yo también soy de Chile, en este momento estoy viviendo en Brasil pero en septiembre vuelvo a Santiago. Cualquier cosa que necesites, ponte en contacto.
Animo y cariños.
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March 4th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Hola Asha,
que genial encontrar a alguien mas de chile por aqui!
por que vives en brasil? trabajas alla o vives con tu familia?
si usas msn agregame! (constanza.gv@hotmail.com)
y mil gracias por la buena disposicion.
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March 14th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
1. whenever i suggest moving somewhere else to my parents, i always get “DO YOU EXPECT US TO PACK UP AND MOVE AGAIN?
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March 15th, 2008 at 8:34 am
I can’t think of three things but here’s my major issue with the TCK life.
FRIENDS
I’ve developed very close bonds with several people over the last 7 years and it really sucks not knowing if/when I’ll ever see them again as they’re living so far away from me. I’d love to go visit them but my current financial state doesn’t allow for that to happen and that won’t change for at least another few years. I’m pretty good at keeping in touch with them but I miss my very good friends a lot, they’re in my mind so often and sometimes I can go on for a few months without having an actual conversation with any of them - emails can only express so much - which frustrates me and more often than not makes me depressed.
I miss having them around to hang out with. Sometimes I just wanna have dinner or watch a movie with them. I’ve been struggling quite a bit these past couple of months with not having someone who understands me around, especially because work has been stressful and all I would need is just a big hug from a very close friend to make me feel better. It gets really hard.
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March 24th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
1. Always feeling out of place, both in my culture of origin and in the current culture.
2. Not being able to explain to the non-TCK world that “yes! It does make a difference!”
3. Loss of friendships.
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